Falling onto you

Entry #8

looking around I search for her in every room, every hall, every place I go only to be reminded of the constant memory of losing her to young.

the oak tree where my love lays is where I feel most comforted, its the one place I know shell always be and I don't have to search for her anymore.

she always thought she was a burden and could have a price stuck to her only to be sold off, but No price can match her value.

I only have one regret... I waited to long to live out her promise and now I fear I'm to late.

Summers POV (present time in the story) -

I fell like I'm falling, not slowly or the kind you can find anywhere. No, I'm falling faster and deep.

When I was young I imagined myself falling into a deep whale, you know the kind you find out on a farm and what not.

When I fall I just go deeper and deeper, I fall so hard it hurts to breath at times and I don't notice how far I've truly gone until it's too late.

I don't know if I will ever reach the bottom of its I'm about too but I feel close, so close to something in this dark pit I can almost feel it making the hairs on my back stand up wards.

I scream for help but no one can help me because I'm all alone falling to my own death.

I first started feeling this way when I got diagnosed, I was happy before. My mother loved me and my dads was still a piece of work but my mom saved me and went through it all.

I think the thought of losing her only living child left set her off, she went through episode after episode.

I wonder if deep down she truly loves me and is just scared of what will or could happen, maybe she knows how long I have left maybe not.

I don't care what happens to me if it means I not longer have to fall into the pit deeper again.

My main wish is I don't die alone, I want someone to be by my side holding me or my hand, I can't leave this world unloved my whole life.

Who would even want to save a weak girl who's gone to far into a pit of nothing into bottom less whales.

I breath and open my eyes again looking out into the road, thankfully I'm at a stop light to allow my own Demond's take ahold.

why do I even invite myself to keep babysitting? like I'm walking into a trap where I'm consumed by Oliver everywhere why would I want that?

getting out of my own thinking I knock on the door ready to be met with Oliver on the other side just to say goodbye and only see his brother for babysitting, yes babysitting as I have to remend myself im here for the child.

taking a deep breath I knock on the door and it opens when Oliver on the other side without a shirt on, "summer! umm... I was just about to put a shirt on and leave.", he smiles before grabbing the shirt out of Elliots hand and rushing away.

okay.... that was... weird.

turning to Elliot I put on a big smile, "hey big guy what are you up too?", I question walking through the door inside and closing it behind me.

"the better question is what are you doing with my brother? he is all sad he even talked to me about you and wanted me to ask if you hated him", Elliot giggles trying to get information out of me.

"well I haven't thought of it but I think your brothers... okay I guess", I state not knowing what to say to a 4 year old.

"he's a good guy, I think you should give him a chance. he's just been so down with what happened with our mommy and daddy is being a jerk to us and yells at Oliver all the time I wouldn't think of a reason why you shouldn't like him. you two should get married", Elliot adds to his statements.

I laugh at him and just let the words sync in, it sounds like Oliver and his father don't really get along very well for them to show it around the child.

"enough about your brother what d you want todo?", I question trying to change the subject.

"he says the same thing whenever I ask him about you, you two are funny!", Elliot jokes.

rolling my eyes I go to the kitchen, "do you want pancakes?", okay this time I am really trying my best to get him to stop talking about Oliver.

"why don't you ever want to talk about my brother?", Elliot booms.

"because not everything has to be about him", I can't believe I'm talking to a child about this. like what is he, my life coach?

geez I really need todo more things with my life than be around Oliver's family.

laughing to myself I get all the ingredients out for pancakes.

"why are you laughing?", Elliot confusedly ask.

"noting! just thinking", I blurt out like I've been caught red handed.

"your probably thinking about my brother",

"am not!", I yell.

"are too!", he bickers back.

"no!", I snap.

"your obsessed with him and he is with you!", he barks back.

"we do not!", I hiss at him.

"whatever you say", Elliot giggles.

this child can be worse than his own brother at times, I am now seeing how they're related now.

-------

the rest of the day babysitting Elliot is peaceful other than our argument about Oliver but he got over it quickly and started on the topic of cars and how much he hates preschool and what not.

I hear the front door open making me turn around to see a sweaty Oliver standing there, "Oliver", I greet him walking over to my things to leave.

"summer wait!", Oliver announces.

"see I told you he looooooovvvvessss you", Elliot cheers.

typical child what can I say, I'm only glad it isn't me he is talking about this time.

"shut up Elliot! go upstairs and get ready for bed!", Oliver snaps at him trying to defend himself.

I take this as my time to slip away before my arm gets locked around Oliver's, "summer please!", Oliver begs.

"what?", I ask.

and before anything else can be said he's lips come crashing down onto mine, but I don't do anything.

I start to drop my things leaning in and kissing him back wrapping my arms around him and falling deep into the kiss.

I can't stop myself from him, he is like a drug that I'm already hooked on and I'm falling right into his trap.

pulling away panting and trying desperately too catch my breath Oliver specks, "summer I'm sorry and I shouldn't have pushed you to tell me what was wrong and I can't seem to find a way to stay away from you either. I feel drawn to you in every way possible and it bothers me in every way imaginable!", Oliver announces pulling me towards him I lean into another kiss with him.

stupid mine!

I hate it some times.

I refuse to be one of those girls.

"your still an asshole, and a shit-head, and a dickhead!", I bark at him.

"I didn't expect anything less and I hope I always am.", he chuckles.

"good", I say stepping on his foot.

"ow mother fucker", her shouts.

"just as a reminder", I smile in content.

"summer promise me something", his tone changing and turning serious as he cups my face into his large hands.

"yeah?"

"never change.", he questions.

"never", I respond.

before he takes me again and kisses me passionately while I moan into it.

and we just stay like that for a while before I do one final and last one before leaving to my car again smiling to myself.