Falling onto you

Entry #31

"here the demons came to play taking you away from me slowly and painfully."

Summers POV -

I can't. . . I can't breath, I can't swallow, everything goes to panic as I rush over to the bathroom not wanting to wake Oliver.

I get over and can't bare to shut the door as I bend over feeling the iron taste fighting its way up my throat.

I fall to the floor dragging myself to the toilet shaking violently and I fear whats coming, ive never felt this way.

I gasp for air as I struggle to get anything out.

I set there for what feels like forever vomiting and vomiting blood fills the toilet and everything is spewing out.

I cling to my chest feeling a Sharpe pain take over, my whole body aches and I almost feel numb from the amount im enduring.

its to much, its to much.

my head falls to the toilet again as I start vomiting again as an acid taste consumes me.

I look over to the bed and don't see Oliver anywhere, please don't come, please don't see me not like this.

I hear him moving around before his raspy morning voice booms, "summer! come back to bed, please"

I don't think he hears me, thats good, maybe I can act like it didn't happen.

I grip onto the toilet set more for dear life as I have more shouting pains coming up, my throat is sore, my head is throbbing on a way to a migraine, my legs, arms, hands, feet, everything are shaking and pain is everywhere in my body.

blood comes out more and more taking everything out of me as I can't hold on much longer.

I try holding my hair back knowing most of it is being taken with my vomit in the toilet.

I hear loud foot steps running to the bathroom and I can feel olivers gaze on me but I can't move all I can think about is living through today.

I feel to muscular arms grip me from behind and hold my hair back in one man soothing my back with the other as he whispers kind words into my ear saying 'it'll be alright', and 'its okay' and so on but over all I hear the pain and worry in his tone.

its never been this bad.

ive never gotten this far to death.

im not gonna make it many more days.

I feel my chest cligch again as I know this all to well im having a heart attack as I feel my body jerk back I notice award feeling and shouting pain as my body hits the wall and foam starts in my mouth as I bite down on my tough.

I have no control over my body.

what the hell is happening.

I hear Oliver tone as he tries to contain himself but I know he is on the verg of tears.

then it hits me, I'm having a fucking seizure.

my head heads the wall again and I feel my body shift to my side, I start chocking and vomit must be coming out.

I just know this isn't a pretty sight to be seen.

my vision is blurry and I'm having a hard time staying in tone trying to fight off the darkness fighting its way to me.

the pain returns in my chest but I feel the jerking not stopping as everything is out of my control.

I can't fight.

I have to give up.

my body slows down and everything stops for a moment, Oliver pulls me close to his chest moving my hair away from my face and for a moment as I look up through the blurted vision I see the tears and concern in his eyes, I see the pain coming and I know hes struggling.

then everything takes over my body feels limp, my eyes shut, I have no feeling in my body, everything leaves as I fall into a deep sleep not knowing if ill be able to wake up.

this might be it.

I just hope Oliver knows I love him and im sorry.

I'm so fucking sorry he had to see this.

please forgive me for whats coming Oliver, don't look back on here.

please for me.

my mind gives out and nothing is holding me her anymore.

~~~~

my eyes still haven't opened and know im probably already dead, I hear movement around me and I hear voices, unfsormialar ones.

is this what heaven feels like?

its all darkness and if this is what death is like I rather not....

just as my thoughts get the best of me someone moves the hair from my left ear and I feel them lover there head to it, "summer, baby your gonna have a choice now. you can either live or die, there's only so much we can do, if you wake up you choose to fight but if you give in to the darkness thats your choice as-well. just know there are three lovely people out there praying for you to fight but everyone in here knows what kind of battle we're asking for and its not gonna be easy but fo it for your friends, you husband, I don't want to go out there and tell them we did everything we could with a said excuse to comfort them. so please", thats all she said the pleading in her voice showed she cared and I didn't even know her, she was already rooting for me though.

I wanted to fight I had to, I have to wake up, for Oliver.

if I can't liv long I just want to say goodbye and tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me.

please let me live even for a few more minutes.

let me open my damn eyes.

fight summer.

fight....

"everyone changes, people leave and it breaks us but we all go on. just take a moment to enjoy what in-front of you"