Falling onto you

Entry #35

"you broke me but I made a promise to never give up on you. 'through sickness and health' and man did I really stand by your side every moment of every day through every sickness and every late nigh vomit and every time you tried to cover your illness and the extremes of it.

you may have been slowly dying but I was losing a piece of me watching you fearing it will be the last with you bring so unaware of me being on the verge of dying."

Olivers POV (during the story)-

I watch as she sleeps soundly and peaceful, she looks as if nothing in the world can touch her.

I left my hand to her face rubbing my thumb over her check, its so hard to watch as she slips away from my hands somehow still looking so happy.

I only hope she can find peace, if there's one person that deserves to find peace and a happy ending to their life its her. I would give up any all my reasonings to go to heaven or anything waiting in the afterlife for her chance at going above, suffering in hell would be a price I would pay for her.

I would give her my years left of life if I could only for a minute longer in return so I didn't have to watch her slip.

her eyes slowly pop open making me move my hand away from her face, "Smile for me" her tone weak and brail.

I look over to met her eyes with her bright smile still lighting up a room even at a moment like this.

A tear realized from my eye "I don't know if I....", she cut me off trying to get me out of my thinking, "listen up shit-head, if I'm gonna die I want to see your fucking smile"

I snorted from her comment, only she can make me laugh at a moment so hard.

"There we go...", she leaned over to cough up blood as it dripped from her mouth as she looked up at me trying to hide what I've already seen.

"Don't hide from me",I demand.

"I want to take in all of you, through sickness and health", I added.

Her eyes met mine again as tears sprung from them.

She lifted her shaking hand to my face slowly resting it on my check, "your smile brings me comfort"

She has always had a way with words.

"I love you", I muttered, trying to stay quiet but I'm not entirely sure as to why.

"I love you", she treated my words but in her own way those mean more from her sweet lips than anyone could bring in a lifetime.

More tears drip from my face as she wipes them away, why is she bring comfort to me? It only makes it worse as to the news I have heard.

"No more tears for me!", she insisted.

"I'll try... for you", I whisper moving my lips to her ear as she shivers at my touch before I grab a cloth and wipe her mouth away from what is killing her inside and out.

She stares endlessly at me searching and taking in every bit she can.

Before she leans back, "I'm tired", she announces.

I stay quiet for a moment, "cuddle with me please", she finished before I took her into my arms in an instant trying to hold her close and tight longing for this to be the way I keep her alive longer.

I didn't ever want to imagine what it would be like to lose her yet here I am in a hospital bed with her in my arms as she only has a mer days to live.

why did it have to be her? my summer? she is so sweet, so kind, she forgives and loves any and everyone no matter who they are, is this what all good people are fate to live their life? must people suffer till there dying breath fighting every bit of the way?

killing me can't begin to describe what I am filling at this time. I can't live or breath without her, is it so selfish to say I can't watch her through sickness? my vows are much harder now that I see the worse of it all, even from thinking back to when I was a teen sitting in the care facility bathroom holding her hair I think I was more in control then how I am now.

I can't look away from her as I fear that the moment I do she will leave alone and untouched, as I have to keep my hands and eyes glued to her making sure she is still with me.

but I'm not dumb, I know my touch isn't going to be her savior, what happens to her is out of our hands. I only wish that her fate is much better than where she is now.

tears drip along my face as I watch her chest struggle to rise and fall, in my mind I know she won't make it more than a day or two more, but will I be able to watch her as she leaves?

yes, I have to stay strong not for me for her even if it kills my very soul to keep my smile, I will have a brave face smiling right through my demons so she can see me trying.

"fight my love, I will make sure to stay here and keep you company as you will never be alone. but I understand if you have to go... I-i understand this fight is to hard and punishful for you. if I could I would take all your pain as I am only holding on by a thread and you summer are that.", I claimed before leaning in and falling into the darkness of the demons that take my dreams.

maybe I will sleep having comfort of her by my side again one day without this... this disease taking her.