Falling onto you

Entry #20

"maybe we were crazy stupid but we were in love and thats all that matters"

Summers POV -

my one fear in life is that I will die alone with no one to care, sometimes my mind wonders back to it and I feel as if there's no hope; this moment with Oliver shows I have no hope and will die alone with no one to care.

im falling deeper again, this time head first feeling myself shame into the wall of the whale. maybe this time I will hit the bottom or many someone will lift me out.

I was down the hallway to my second class of the day not like I'm gonna pay attention to anything or anyone.

I feel someone pull me from behind and everything comes at me like a sudden motion and all I can do is fight, in a fight or flight I guess I'm a fighter never willing to give up or in even if its the last of me.

I kick them hard in the groin, and I punch them from behind me not caring who are what it is.

"ugh, I deserved that!", pain feels the voice like there suffering from the impact.

sucking in a breath I turn around closing my eyes not willing to be met with the person believe they are, I squeeze as hard as I can to not look as I know nothing is working.

his large hands lift my face to him as he uses them to wipe a tear I didn't even notice was forming leaving his thumb there to rub my check, "summer please! look at me!", he pleads.

I feel a tingling feeling from his touch as it brings so much life to me in a time where I need to hate him.

I open my eyes sniffling, "Oliver", I whisper opening my eyes trying to hard to not really face him.

he smiles at how hard I'm working for him to provide him with whatever he thinks is "important" but he sees I can only take so much as he moves his hand away.

why did he do that?

my face feels cold and lifeless, I need his touch his warmth to keep me together.

of all people, he is what I need.

he stares as me as his smile turns to a frown and it leaves me emotionless and unprepared for all I wanted to say and do, "I'm sorry, for what ever you saw you have to believe me when I say it wasn't what you saw!", he cries out to me.

I can't hear this.

if it wasn't him, Oliver Novak getting a little to close to a girl being all lovey with him at a party what was it then?

"let me guess she just 'fell on you' or maybe she wanted to reach behind you but somehow she fell and then was caught up into your arms", my voice angered and clearly sarcastic.

he waits a few minutes as he thinks about his next movement or speech ready to be made. maybe he realizes I'm not dumb and as stupid as he may think.

"summer, please hear my side! you may not want to listen so ill wait until its on your own terms", he is ready to turn away ready to never see me again as I don't care for his sad excuse for a sorry.

"wait!", he turns around to look at me, I didn't even know I had something to say until I spoke.

"your right I'm not ready to hear you out, and I know I know that I should and believe me if I could I would. I don't know if this is you kinda way to act out of anything, but please! don't take it out on me. when I want to hear or even can look at you without anger boiling in my blood I will, but for now, for now I want you to show me as to why I need to forgive you. AND DON'T mess it up.", I continue.

he shakes his head before looking away hopeful of anything he may have planned.

as much as it scares me I know its more shitty if I don't allow him to show me how much use he really is until I can face him ready for a conversation whenever that might be.

I don't know if the girl truly meant anything to him and I so hope it doesn't and this is just a way for hi to reach out about all that he feels and is going through between his mother and father, maybe even Elliot idk.

but please Oliver, don't fuck this up. I am giving him a second chance and thats all he gets is one more way to show he is worth all Ive been fighting for, that we are worth it.

"ready to go!", Amara's voice shows happiness and hope as I turn around to see two happy faces looking back at me as my whole mood changes to only them in the moment.

"where? we are still in Schoo if you have forgotten", I question looking puzzled I'm sure of it.

"silly goose", she turns to Alex as they give each-other knowingly glances.

"we are skipping for the rest of the day! you and Oliver can't be caught together again and I don't like him so come one! lets go!", she cheers.

Alex walks over and interlocks his arm around mine as Amara does the same on the other side while pulling me out of the building as I complain, "this is considered kidnapping to some people!"

"and to others it considered being two good friends ready to have a good day with there oh so heartbroken friend in desperate need of help and a way to be cheered up!", she exclaimed clearing her own name in this.

I roll my eyes ready todo any and all that they have ready for now because I know I cat get out of it know.

~~

the whole day has been filled with them pulling me around everywhere and taking me shopping saying "its a way to the should for a good cheer up!" and me trying to run away from them.

we went to the beach and played around in the water for a bit before finally getting to a good resting spot before laying down on each others legs in a triangle.

"so, Oliver came to me today asking for forgiveness . I didn't give it too him but I also said if he wanted it he had to work for it and I will not hear him out until I'm ready ",I finally speak up.

I feel Alex shift around trying to find a way to stay put, "I think you shouldn't hear him out. he fucked around with you and made it his purse to hurt you and trick you!", he says.

"I like that your making him work for it! but I think you should forgive him, unless he doesn't work hard for it then in that case don't!",Amara comments on it.

Amara pokes my leg making me move away before she catches me in her arms and Alex comes around caring me to the water while I kick, "don't. you. dare.", I roar.

"don't dare what?", he laughs.

they start sprinting to the water as I try wiggling away but I'm to late as I hit the water and get thrown in before coming back up and slashing them as we all chase each-other around playing like little kids on the beach laughing and screaming...

im so caught in the moment I hadn't even realized Oliver's friends where here, without Oliver jumping from cliffs into the water near us swimming to listen in.

an unsettling feeling overcomes me as I try to ignore them and find my way back to the mood me and my group have set as a whole, no Olivers friends and SURLY NO OLIVER.

olivers POV -

We may not be together but I know we look up into the clouds we called home between us and think of the memories and love.

I feel at home and hopeful looking up.

I messed up but what you saw wasn't the story or reality of what it truthfully was, I only hope she lets me get close enough to tell her.