Falling onto you

Entry #34

"Even with all the pain in the world kicking me away, I would never leave your side nor would I give up on you for as long as I shall live with my every breath summer sweetwater. You have my soul and heart, don't take me for granted for I will always love you."

Summers POV -

as I walk into the bathroom I feel dizzy tripping over things not having my footing on point, I grip the counters tightly using them as my only support.

the pain takes me, not your normal 'its okay I can live through this' kinda pain, no this is the 'my breath is being token away as I can't bare it much longer'. while I gasp for the little air reaching my lungs rubbing my temples with on hand as I lean more into the counter struggling to even stand.

I look up being met with a whitely yet sick looking pale ghost who I don't recognize as anything other than the girl from Kentucky, but this time with a lot more holding her back to life.

I feel the air leave my lungs as it gets harder and harder to breath, I feel the tears and sobs escape me as I try my hardest to stay silent.

"summer?", oliver's voice sounding tired and beat and I hear him searching the bed for me.

I try not to make a noise as my blood filled vomit takes its toll as I release it all running to the toilet.

the acid filling take a hit as I try my hardest to breath between each hit.

Oliver's footsteps remain loud and constant as he runs to me gripping my hair in one hand and me in the other.

I sob filling my body weaken more as I didn't know it could get worse in this moment, "Oliver it hurts", I scream, as he tries to calm me down as I scream and cry.

"I know baby, if I could I would take the pain away", I hear him fighting off his own mind and tears in the sentence he so desperately tries to say.

I grip onto his shoulder pulling him close as I am reaching my max of how much I can fight.

my breath remains shaky as we sit on the cold floor as my almost lifeless body tries to hold on.

the dizziness increases as I struggle to look around my vision blurs filling my body slowly shutting down I fight it off not wanting for Oliver to see what may lead.

I'm lying in my own blood from my mouth as I no longer know if I am done vomiting or just continuing, I don't know what is going on or happening as I hear Oliver voice speck and his mouth move but the words can't be formed in my head.

I don't know what he is saying or doing as I only see blurry figures now spots taking over my vision as I fight more trying not to cave.

not yet, please let me hold on.

if there's a god or any kind of savior out there allow me to live... let me live longer even if it is only for a few more days, give me strength as you have not given me anything else.

but I know that is a lie...

they gave me Oliver and with him there is no other way to keep my happy as he is my life and my heart beat.

I feel the violent jerks on my body trying to take me, my eyes roll into the back of my head, foam leave my mouth, I bite my tough so hard I draw blood.

feeling everything being out of my control I let it take my body, this war is being won and I am not on the winning side.

I feel the seizures take my every part of me called by a head weight onto my chest from the stinging and burn from the inside, my heart fails me as-well.

I gasp for more air as I start choking on my own saliva as Oliver tips me over to my side, my body is going through to much... the pressure and pain it has been enduring.

a heart attack can take so much but I refuse for it to take me from Oliver I grip harder onto him as the darkness crept over me and I am out with the only screams from Oliver trying to wake me up.

I feel him fighting what is being token from my body but I'm to weak.

~~~

"no, miss you will only have days left at the rate your heart is rapidly giving away. I hate to tell you this and I know its braking everything and I am truly sorry, there's nothing else we can do... we can only make you comfortable your last days with us", he sympathizes with me as much as he can but it only makes it worse as Oliver grips my hand tighter bring me back to him.

the doctor walks away leaving us to our own silence before my lips quiver and my hands shake more Oliver cups his hands around my face, "summer... look at me!", he demands crying himself.

we are only so strong and this is way to much out of us.

"o-o-l-ivere", my voice only showing how my true emotions are, scared and anger at and of myself.

he takes me fully into his arms as we stay there crying into eachother, Oliver may not cry but in this time he breaks under everything just as much as me... I am his weakness and he is mine.

Oliver telling the story -

my greatest demons took over, she was the light and when I didn't have her even with only thinking of it, it destroyed me.

losing her was something we knew would happen when she was young and we were wiling for the risk but something we weren't willing for is actually living true it.

I don't know how anyone could stay strong while losing their love, because if you do then it isn't your love.

she is my only way or life and now even after I have lost her I can't seem to think back on this day without breaking down and raging out.

I have to punch something, anything, everything... but she wouldn't ever allow me to lash out because she was always my comfort and with even a flick of her wrist I will come running to her every need on my hands and knees ready for anything.