The Art Of Hating

Chapter Forty-two

XLII. Away

I was crying for the wasted food and for. . . something else.

Napatigil at napasigaw lang ako dahil sa bumusinang sasakyan sa likuran ko. An 8-wheeler truck took over and two of the guys who were in front aside from the driver were screaming something to me.

I don't quiet understand but I know they were cursing and saying something bad. Lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba at takot kaya nagdesisyon akong tumigil muna sa isang tabi.

I don't even know if I almost met an accident or the guys are just rude because I'm driving too slow. I. . . don't know.

Kinalma ko ang sarili ko at nanginginig pa ang kamay ko habang nililinis ang kalat sa tabi ko. Inayos ko rin ang sarili ko lalo na ang mukha ko. Ridiculous. I am crying too much, it's starting to annoy me.

Nang pakiramdam ko ay nawala na ang kaba at maayos na ang itsura ko ay nag-drive ulit ako.

It took almost an hour after I realize I was actually driving to nowhere. Ni hindi ako nagdrive pauwi or papuntang opisina.

Shit.

Halos saktan ko ang sarili ko sa sobrang katangahan ko. If I'll continue being this, maararo talaga ako ng ibang sasakyan. The thought scared the shit out of me. Kinalma ko ulit ang sarili dahil unti-unti na naman akong natatakot. Sinilip ko ang location na tinatahak ko at nakitang papunta akong norte.

I should really calm down and I think. . . Looking on the busy road, I realized I needed this.

A realization hit me that whatever heartache I've experienced today, the day won't stop just because I'm experiencing pain. Parang nakakagaan sa loob makita ang lahat sa paligid na walang pakialam sa nangyari at patuloy lang ang daloy ng lahat.

Pero. . . hindi ko gusto ang ingay ng lahat. Mas gusto ko ngayon ng . . tahimik lang.

Kaya nagdrive pa rin ako palayo nang palayo. I was still in the Metro when I passed by ATM. I parked near where the line is and got out from the car.

Kinuha ko ang card ko at nagdecide na magwitdraw ng perang. . . kakailanganin ko.

I got 20, 000 cash and I drove again to find another ATM to withdraw more cash. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano nang ginagawa ko. Basta gusto kong pumunta kung saan. . . malayo lang muna.

It was okay because my vacation leave was already approved. Ang kailangan ko lang ay magpaalam ulit sa mga kaibigan at magulang ko.

Right. I'm not that heartless not to inform them.

Nang makakuha ng pera na sa tingin ko sasakto sa ilang araw. . . o pwede rin linggo, pumunta akong mall para mag-park ng kotse. I've decided I'm going to commute.

I bought some necessities inside the mall and ate late lunch. Tinawagan ko rin sina Mommy at nagpaalam kaya Bria.

"I thought kasama ako?" Maktol ni Lotus sa tawag.

Shit. Nakalimutan ko 'yon.

"I'm sorry. Hmm, next time, okay?" I smiled even though she can't see me. "Akong bahala sa gastusin."

"Really?!"

"Kami rin!" Bria exclaimed.

Umirap ako pero pumayag na rin para mababa ko na ang tawag. I don't want them to notice that I sound off or something.