𝑴𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝑻𝒐 𝑩𝒆 | ✔

Chapter 20

*Erin's POV*

"Let me work this damn case! He was my brother." I stood in front of Hank, but he shook his head.

"You can't even control yourself right now, how is that supposed to work out with suspects?" I knew what he meant , but I wasn't about to give in.

"Go home, Erin." He got up and pushed me out of his office.

I spun around and we were face to face.

"I'm gonna find that person, with or without you." I walked past everyone, down the stairs and into my car, just as I was driving out of the parking lot, Hailey came out, but I ignored her and drove off.

I didn't like it, but I stood in front of the door of my mother's apartment and knocked, Teddy had lived with her for the last few years, so she probably knew who he had last hung out with.

"Erin! Ouh it's so good to see you." She wrapped her arms around her and the smell of weed got into my nose.

"Hey Mom." I walked past her into the apartment and saw bottles from all kinds of liquor.

"She didn't seem to be really sad and I didn't see any different clothes than hers.

"If you're looking for your brother, I don't know where he is. He moved out a few weeks ago and I haven't seen him ever since." She started smoking again and I knew that I had to tell her.

"I'm not looking for him. He's dead, Mom. We found his body." She took the news very relaxed, which was surely because she was high.

"Shit happens. Do you want some?" Bunny offered me some of her weed but of course I didn't take it.

"Do you know names of people that were around for the last time?" She shook her head and smiled happily.

I just left because I knew I wouldn't get any answers from her anymore.

When I looked down at my phone I saw several missed calls from Jay and rembered that I was supoose to pick him up ten minutes go.

After I texted him that I was on my way I got into the car and drove to the Academy.

Everyone else was already gone when I pulled up and Jay got in.

"Hey." He leaned over and wanted to kiss me, but then screwed up his nose.

"Geez. What happened to you? You smell like a whole weed plantation." I smiled at him apologetically.

"Sorry. I visited my mom." Now I had confused him even more.

"Because of my brother. Someone needed to tell her." Jay stoked my arm while I was driving and I knew that he wanted to say something but held back.

*Jay's POV*

Lindsay obviously didn't want me to need her mother and I just accepted it as she only knew my brother Will.

"How was Academy?" Next week were the final exams and I was kinda nervous to be honest.

"Good. The training went well and I think I'm ready for next week." She nodded but kept looking at the street and was pretty quite when we were in her apartment aswell.

"Erin." She was pretty turned to herself, but I didn't want her to push me away because I wanted to help her.

"What?" She snapped back at me and I stopped in my motion.

"I'm sorry." Her eyes softened because she had noticed that she sounded rather snippy.

"It's okay." She didn't need to apologize, I knew she was going through a rough time right now.

"No. It's not. Not at all. You don't deserve that I take my anger out on you." She just stood there, tears glittering in her eyes.

"You lost your brother. And right now you're just trying to find a way to deal with the pain and loss. Griefing is a strange process." I opened my arms and offered her a hug that she gladly accepted.

Lindsay didn't say anything, but then I felt my shirt getting wet because she was crying.

"Shhh. It's all gonna be okay." I stroked her back and I felt her trying to stop crying but it didn't really work.

"That's fine. You can go on as long as you need to." I kept moving my hand in circular motions over her back and felt her relax and then she looked up at me, eyes red from crying.

"I don't want to stay here crying your shirt through all day, but I just can't stop." I took her face in my hands and kissed her tenderly, which relaxed her a little more.

"It's just your way to cope with the situation. Grief is just like glitter. It's hard to brush away. Bright light and it still shimmers and right now you're having several flashlights pointed at it so you're sad. Maybe in a few days, weeks, month or even years you can accept what happened." She nodded and my little speeche had successfully distracted her from her thoughts.

*Erin's POV*

Just when I wanted to start some dinner my phone buzzed and I answered it, as it was Upton.

U: Hey Lindsay, you got a sec?

L: Sure. What's going on?

U: You didn't got this from me but we got an address on the guy that killed your brother. We recognized him on surveillance videos.

L: Where is he.

U: You know that I can't give you that information.

L: You wouldn't have called if you didn't want to give it to me.

U: He's in Wisconsin. I'll send you the adress. If you want to do anything with him, do it quickly because we're going there tomorrow.

Hailey ended the phone call and I knew that I would drive right away.

"Jay I'm sorry but I need to go. Someone thing popped up at work." I started to grab my keys but he grabbed my arm.

"You're not going there to kill that guy." Apparently he heard what I said.

"I most certainly am." I freed my arm and walked straight past him through the door.