𝑴𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝑻𝒐 𝑩𝒆 | ✔

Chapter 41

*Jay's POV*

"You really scared the crab out of me. So it would ne nice if I could just wake up so I can finally relax. I know where not exactly together right now but I still care about you. Alot. And knowing that you're somewhere in danger were I can't reach you is not a think I want to repeat." I stammered while I was sitting next to Lindsay's bed, holding her hand.

Severide had already woken up and was wide awake so we all just waited for Erin to follow after.

"You can stop speaking your thoughts out, freckles. I need you too." When I heard her voice skipped a beat.

"Let me get a doctor to check you out." I wanted to get up but she grabbed my hand.

"Just come here and kiss me please. I need that." I looked at her and she had a smile on her lips.

Without asking any further, I leaned down and put my lips on hers.

"Don't go just yet. They can wait a second longer for me to officially wake up." She motioned for me to lie down in bed next to her.

*Erin's POV*

Feeling Jay's arm around my waist was just what I needed I inhaled his scent because that was the one thing I needed right now.

When I heard a knock at the door I tried to burry my face in Jay's chest because I didn't want to face the fact that there were other people I needed to talk to.

"You're awake." It was Natalie that had come in.

"Yes. For a while." When I tried to move I noticed that Jay had fallen asleep.

"Just stay like that. You look fine to me so I don't have to do a checkup.

"Is Kelly alive?" It was only now that I remeberd he had been in there with me.

"He's just fine. You saved his life with the CPR. I'll tell him to swing by here." She smiled and then left again.

"You did CPR in there?" Jay's voice sounded sleepy.

"I did. And then I went out myself." When I closed my eyes I could still smell the smoke and feel the heat of the flames.

"But you were there in time. I was so worried when I heard all the calls the guys made." It sounded like Jay was far away, but right next to me at the same time.

"You were there?" My voice was weirdly high, like I was crying, but I didn't.

"Yes. Casey called Severide...." Jay kept talking but my thoughts were wandering off again.

The walls came closer to me, my neck was tight and I grabbed Jay's hand in desperation.

"I don't want to die." I looked straight into his green eyes and saw how helpless he was.

"Get me out of here." Without waiting for any response, I got out of the bed, but then I felt the IV in my hand. I closed my eyes for a second and ripped it out.

"Erin." Jay had caught up with me and closed his arms around me from behind.

I kicked, trying to get away, but he held me tight.

"Erin I got you. You're safe." His voice was soothing and I gave up my resistance and sank to the floor.

"Shh. You're save." He kept running his hand through my hair and I pressed my face against his face.

"Let's get that checked out." He referred to my wrist but I shook my hand rapidly.

"I swear to god, if anyone touches me I'll kill them." Jay knew that this threat didn't apply to him.

"Then it's just us." He slid us to the door to sit in front of it to block it.

I wanted to apologise for my behaviour, wanted to explain it but I couldn't without digging deeper into my feelings and I didn't know I he was ready for that.

"How much more emotional stuff are able to take in before you break?" I kept my eyes to the floor.

"I can take much more. Just let it all out." Just when I wanted to start talking I got startled from a knock at the door.

"This is not the moment or place to have some sexy time!" I heard Ruzek's voice right behind the door and was scared that he would just burst through in case we didn't answer but I couldn't.

"It's different man, believe me. I'll come get you when we're finished here." Jay's voice was decisive and I was grateful he didn't say what was going on.

When I heard footsteps moving away I leaned against his chest and prepared myself to challenge my inner demon.

"Ready when you are." Jay pressed his fingers to my hand where I'd ripped the needle out.

"When I was in there, facing that flames, the smoke, death." Jay sucked in a breath and I went on.

"Just then I relaised how much I messed up with us and how much I love you. Jay. I love you. Do you hear me?" He nodded and looked touched by the fact that I was just sharing my deepest inside with him.

"And when I was about to give up you were the one on my mind. I saw your face in front of me and I couldn't remember your voice. That made me almost go crazy because I thought I'd never hear it again." The tears that I had miraculously held back so far flowed now and I let them.

"You don't have to remember my voice, okay? I'm here and you will always be able to hear it when you want." Jay talked to me and I just let him because I wanted to hear his voice.

It was only now that I really got to take hin how close I was to never see him again.

Of course the fear had been there when I was in the fire, but now that I got the time to process it, it scared me even more.

"We'll get through this." Jay kissed me on the forehead and we got up knowing we had to go get the others.

"I made such a mess." I looked at the floor were a trail of blood was and the messed up bed.

"It's fine." Jay gave me one more squeeze before leaving for a moment.