Adventures Of The Powerful, Strong, and Desperate

Chapter 11 Insanity

Sam

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Differentiating morning and night has very difficult in this accursed forest. The darkness and uncertain sounds leave me on edge. Luckily the chance of us getting to the castle in this forest are sort of low. I decide not to ponder on the chance we do end up at the castle. I'll cross that bridge when it comes.

The supposed third day of hiking through this forest drudges on and spirits are falling. I'm not sure how but Kili and Alex stopped flirting and started arguing awhile ago.

"You need to work on your communicating skills you stupid bitch," Kili snaps angrily.

"Don't you fucking talk to me like that dick!" Alex counters angrily.

"Woah clever, do you even think about what you say before you say it!" Kili asks incredulously.

"Yes I fucking do!"

"No you didn't think about that did you. See I think about what I say before I say it. I think quite a bit about it."

"So you want me to have a good long think about what I'm gonna say do ya?" Alex asks.

"Yes."

"Alright I'll have a good long think," Alex decides. Then she stares at Kili for a minute before clapping her hands. "You should suck a bag of dicks."

"Oh really?!?" Kili yells.

"Yes really asstown!" Alex shouts back. I sigh deeply and rub my forehead.

"Sam are you alright?" Bilbo inquires tapping on my arm. I turn and look down to him before smiling fondly.

"Yes I'm fine," I respond. Gosh Bilbo is so nice and handsome. I'd really like to kiss him. Wait, I should! We're on a life or death quest, I should kiss him while I have the chance! "Hey Bilbo."

"Yes Sam?"

"Wanna known what the best tasting thing in the world is?" I ask cheekily.

"Sure what?"

"My lips," then I pick him up by his shoulders and smash our mouths together in a sloppy passionate kiss. Bilbo gasps in surprise before responding instantaneously. I swear sparks fly. It's amazing but we soon break apart for air.

"You are flawless," Bilbo gushes a loopy smile on his face.

"What language is your soulmate mark in?" I query, suddenly curious and set him down.

"Elvish I could never read it," Bilbo explains and pulls his sleeve up. On his arm in my messy scrawl is my name in elvish.

"That's my name!" I rejoice, loudly.

"Really! Do you have mine? It would be in hobbitish," Bilbo whispers.

"Hobbitish?"

"Yes it's a top secret language of hobbits. We use it for writing only," Bilbo explains.

"Oh well here look," I say and pull my shirt up to reveal the gibberish on my ribs.

"It's my name," Bilbo cheers.

"Oh my gosh yes! I love my tiny boyfriend!" I cheer loudly and pick up Bilbo by his armpits to kiss him again.

"And I love my elf girlfriend!" Bilbo adds and happiness wells up in my chest.

Suddenly I hear loud hoofbeats and freeze up. I set Bilbo down slowly and pull out my battle axe.

"Something's coming," I warn the company. Emily promptly drops Fili's hand and brandishes her trident while he his twin swords. Allie attempts at pulling her katana as Grace pulls six knives, three in each hand, from seemingly nowhere. Alex has her hands flamed out and flame whips appear in them. The hoofbeats get louder and louder just as a big brown horse crashes through the underbrush. The horse rears when it sees us and bucks the screaming rider off before sprinting away.