Unknown Sensations

Chapter forty two

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Harley

Let's see , starting from the very first encounter at the parking lot . I remember it as if it were yesterday , when he bulldozed me and starting from that very moment , everything I knew and stood for was behind me .

I homed the perfect lies that his mouth spat to me and I listened . The cold hard arms that used to hold me ever so tight in an embrace that I mistook for care . Each time I'd mistake that cold embrace for affection ,that hurt .

To watch myself fall deeper and deeper for him and got myself tangled in his web of lies and deceit. Let's go back further in time shall we ? It wasn't new to me that I wasn't his usual choice and that given any other day and different circumstances , he wouldn't have chosen me to be his . Nor would he have chosen me to be his wife . That hurt .Everytime he'd tense up at my embraces and touches , it hurt .Like when he disappeared for weeks without no contact , only to show up with a female , a female he has a sexual history with . Not forgetting being harassed at my work place because of his doings .Acquaintances for intensive purposes? How many did he have? For everytime I cried myself to sleep because of you . It hurt me so much , my heart coiled.

Let's talk about marrying me without my knowledge . How about we talk about you robbing me of the opportunity to decide for myself , to scream 'Yes! Yes! Yes!' as you ask me the question , with you on your one knee , anxiously waiting for my answer ? Let's discuss you skipping cultural beliefs , my beliefs? Beliefs that my parents taught me . Your uncles' sending a letter of request to my father and you driving all the way to Nigel to ask for my hand in marriage from my father? I missed out on hearing my mother rejoice and hallulates me , telling me she's happy for me . The 'dowry' negotiations process . I mean that's the most important ritual in all marriages , the reunion of two families . That beautiful process where my aunts'and family stay up the previous night cooking all sorts of savoury for your coming family the next morning. How about the entire house being awake , singing and dancing outside as they rejoice for their child ? The uncles' slaughtering a big fat male cow in my honour . Don't get me started on the most important right of passage for everyone bride to be . I'm dressed in a long skirt and long sleeved t-shirt with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders and a head wrap on as a sign of respect . I would have been sat down on a mat , in a room surrounded by all the married women in my life that I look up to . I would have sat down facing down as I listened to them relay the life lessons of every marriage . My mother's sweet voice , "My child , you're a woman now , this is what you do when you're married. You respect your husband at all times and you never raise your voice at him . Remember that you're his pillar of strength, whenever he is weak , you become strong for the both of you . You teach him , you care for him , you love him , you protect him, you remain loyal and faithful to him and most importantly is that you pray for him . Remember no matter what you do , you invite God to it and He will bless your marriage ."

Then one of my aunts' which will most likely to be Aunt Faith will bluntly add , "And never deprive your husband of the bedroom service , my child . You always give the man what is his , my child and you never sleep with a trouser or underwear in bed ever ." She'd be the one to embarrass me and the rest of the ladies would laugh it off and as the night carries us , one by one in a circle they would share their love stories with me and give me more advices . By the end of the night ,my favourite aunt Joyce would've pulled me aside and tell me that she's proud of me and that no matter what comes my way , I must take it head-on with my head held high and then father would have looked for me , not before pulling mother into a small peck on her forehead .