Whiskey 'n Lace

~ Chapter Twelve ~

"This was a good session, Olivia, " Dr. Lindstrom said, setting aside his notebook, "I want to see you again in a few days, we'll start seeing each other two days a week for the foreseeable future. When the time comes and I believe you're in a better headspace we can reduce, okay?"

Olivia sniffled, shoving her tissue into the pocket of her jeans before speaking, "sure, I can't say no, or I won't have a job. Uh, speaking of my work, how long until you clear me?"

"It's going to take several visits before I even consider clearing you, Olivia. I'm not sure you fully understand the severity of what you did that night."

Olivia nodded, trying to hold back tears, "okay, " she whimpered.

"Let's set up some homework for you over the next couple of days. I'd like you to attempt to make it happen before our next meeting, " Dr. Lindstrom trailed off.

"What?" Olivia snapped, starting to lose patience for the shrink.

"I want you to get in touch with Rafael, set up a time to meet, and talk about how you both feel. I want you to be real with him, you don't have to go deep, just help him understand how you feel and let him express how he feels. I also want you to start journaling for me, take each day as its own, maybe some days you don't have much to say and you just write your overall moods. Other days you might take up three or four pages with what you're feeling or what happened that day, but I'd like you to bring that journal with you to all of our sessions, okay?"

Olivia nodded and without another word, she shook Linstrom's hand and saw herself out of his office. She stood in front of the elevator feeling defeated. She'd tried to kill herself, but not to die, just to shake away the feeling of being unwanted.

How can he think that Rafael will want to see me after this? How can he be so sure he'll even answer my messages? I know that he's now seen me at my worst, my true rock bottom, and he's not going to want to glue me back together. I can't reach out to him. I won't be able to do it. Olivia's thoughts were racing, she was making excuses, trying to think of all of the reasons why Rafael wouldn't want her.

"Ma'am?" A soft voice pulled her from her swirling thoughts.

"Yes?" Olivia questioned, realizing the door to the elevator was being held open.

"Are you taking the elevator?"

"Uh yeah, sorry, " Olivia said shyly, looking down at the floor as she stepped past the woman.

"It's okay. What floor are you heading to?" The older woman spoke, her hand hovering over the buttons.

"The ground floor, thanks, " Olivia mumbled, stepping back to lean against the elevator wall.

"First time?" The woman spoke, breaking the silence Olivia was hoping would last.

"Yeah, " Olivia nodded.

"Thought so, I'm Pamela Shepherd, an associate of Dr. Lindstrom's."

"How'd you know I was seeing Lindstrom?" Olivia questioned, falling nervous.

"He's the only doctor on that floor today seeing patients so it was a lucky guess, " Pamela laughed lightly with a kind smile. 

The elevator quickly dinged and Olivia stepped out and made a direct beeline for the front door. She flagged down a cab and gave the driver an address before settling back against the back seat. Her hands shook as she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

1400: Hey Rafa it's me Liv. Uh, I don't know if you'll see this message, and if you do I don't know if you'll answer, but -- can we meet up somewhere and talk?