Whiskey 'n Lace

~ Chapter Fourteen ~

A couple of months passed and things seemed to be moving uphill without a hitch. The holiday season was fast approaching and Olivia was feeling rejuvenated. She and Rafael had started dipping their toes into the water of love and quickly found they worked well together in and out of work. Olivia had returned to the squad in late September and Cragen was so proud of how far she'd come since he'd last seen her.

Olivia pulled her jacket tightly around her body as the crisp November air whipped around her. She pulled open the heavy office building door and stepped inside before moving to the elevator on autopilot. She pulled off her wool beanie and gloves before smoothing out her hair and stepping onto Dr. Lindstrom's floor.

"Olivia, " the front desk secretary greeted her with a smile, "Lindstrom will be with you in just a moment."

"Thank you, Eileen, " Olivia smiled, settling into a chair in the waiting room. 

Fridays had been deemed therapy day since Olivia had reduced to one session a week. She often took an hour lunch on Fridays and disappeared from the squad room to go to her appointment. Cragen was always understanding if she didn't make it back in an hour, but these days it seemed that was all she needed.

"Olivia, " Dr. Lindstrom spoke, pulling Olivia from her absent-minded fidgeting.

Olivia stood and followed him to his office before removing her coat and laying over the back of the couch she'd occupy for her appointment. She smoothed her slacks before sitting to watch Dr. Lindstrom gather his things for their appointment.

"Olivia, how are you?"

"I'm doing well, how are you?"

"Fine, " the older man chuckled, opening his notebook and clicking his pen, "so, let's start with a reflection on this past week, how was the overall mood?"

"Depends, " Olivia laughed, "do you want my work mood or my outside of work mood?"

"Let's start with work, what's been happening down at the one-six?"

"Some tougher cases, " Olivia sighed, "the ones that involve kids are harder. They always will be. It's hard to understand how people can hurt young and innocent children. It's clear to me that I never will understand, especially after all my time in the force, so I guess those kinds of cases will always be hard."

"I see, " Dr. Lindstrom scribbled something on his paper, "Now, back in the day, how did you and Elliot get through these cases?"

"We often worked those cases because we both had a way with kids, Captain Cragen saw that. We'd finish a case involving a child and drink. It was a staple, whether we got closure, we won or lost in court, or we got the outcome we hoped for, we drank. It wasn't a problem back then, I'd have half a glass of wine or a shot of something strong if the case was really bad and then I'd drink pop or water so I could make sure the guys could get home safe."

"Okay, when was the last time you had alcohol, Olivia?" Dr. Linstrom questioned.

"Not since the night I tried to kill myself."

Olivia hadn't had a drop of alcohol since that night in August. She'd stayed sober for herself and Rafael. It was clear to her, once she came to terms with the fact she indeed tried to kill herself that night, that she needed to stop drinking altogether. She wasn't sure it would be forever, but she knew that during this vulnerable time in her life she was going to be sober.

"It's good to hear that, Olivia. I'm glad you and Rafael are working together to work through what happened. Happy looks good on you. Uh, I want to circle back to something we talked about earlier in this session, " Dr. Lindstrom spoke, flipping the pages of his notebook, "you spoke about using alcohol to get through tough cases, now that you're sober, how do you plan to release from this tough week of cases?"