The Avengers Group Chat 🦄

Norse Mythology

THIS IS WHERE I CLEAR UP SOME REALLY DISTURBING TOPICS. WHAT LOKI SAYS IN THIS CHAPTER IS ALSO TRUE WITHIN THE REST OF MY FANFICS BECAUSE ANYTHING OTHERWISE IS SERIOUSLY WEIRD AND I JUST NO. OK? OK.

--------

Tony: So... Loki, Thor. I have to ask you something.

Thor: YOU KNOW YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING O IRON ONE.

Loki: Yes?

Tony: So...... I've been doing some research on the Norse Myths.

Loki: Oh crap I know what's coming -_-

Thor: I AM WITH MY BROTHER ON THIS ONE

Tony: You two... have kids?

Loki: HELL NO. Those are simply ridiculously inaccurate stories your idiotic ancestors made up to teach what you humans call "morals"

Tony: But... you ARE the Norse gods, right?

Thor: THE FOLLOWING MAY BE HARD TO UNDERSTAND, IRON ONE, BUT THE MYTHS YOU HAVE RESEARCHED ARE NOT, IN FACT, TRUE. FOR ONE THING, WE ARE ASGARDIANS, NOT GODS, AND WE AREN'T NORSE EITHER. WE'RE ASGARDIAN.  LEGENDS SAY WE ARE IMMORTAL, WHICH WE ARE NOT. I AM ONE AND A HALF THOUSAND AND LOKI IS A THOUSAND AND SEVENTY. LEAST OF ALL THE MYTHS, WE DO NOT HAVE FAMILY EXTENDING TO ANYONE BUT OUR DEAD PARENTS AND DEAD SISTER AND ANYONE ELSE OUR PARENTS WERE RELATED TO ARE MOST LIKELY ALSO DEAD.

Loki: Thor is basically shooting down rumours that I have ever had a child with a horse.

Tony: Yeah... I was wondering about that

Tony: So neither of you are married either then?

Loki: HELL NO

Thor: I AM NOT

Tony: And Loki isn't your uncle, Thor?

Loki: WTF?!

Thor: NO. WE MAY NOT BE BIOLOGICALLY RELATED AND OUR KINDS MAY BE ENEMIES BUT WE ARE BROTHERS AT HEART

Loki: I'm so touched -_-

Tony: Aaaaand... Asgard isn't another dimension?

Tony: And Midgard wasn't made out of the body of a dead giant?

Tony: Or humans didn't evolve from maggots?

Loki: I'm still pretty convinced that last one is true.

Thor: NO NO AND NO. ASGARD AND MIDGARD ARE REALMS. ALSO HUMANS DIDN'T EVOLVE FROM MAGGOTS. THAT WAS DWARVES.

Tony: Dwarves?

Thor: YES IRON ONE. THEY ARE VERY PROUD OF THEIR ORIGINS.

Tony: Of... course they are...

Loki: In answer to your original question Anthony, the so-called myths are in fact just that. You mortals were aware that Asgard and all the realms and gods but they didn't know anything about us. Therefore they decided to make up stories and legends about us to teach their descendants lessons about what to do. For some reason they chose me to be the big bad of the Asgardian world. -_-

Tony: Ahhhh makes sense.

Tony: That has put my mental health to rest 😌

Loki: Mine too 😌