The Avengers Group Chat 🦄

Bad Parenting

Tony: So. I'm bored.

Loki: Shocker.

Tony: Shut up.

Tony: I was wondering how many of you had bad parents? My dad wasn't great.

Gamora: My dad was Thanos

Nebula: Same

Loki: Guys. Tony doesn't know who that is. Thanos hasn't attacked the universe yet.

Gamora: Oh yeah. Forgot about that.

Natasha: I was confused at my parents. Apparently I was abandoned and adopted. Then I learned I was donated by my real parents to my adopted parents (who were Russian spies). Then my adopted parents sent me to the Red Room where they brain-washed me into being a mindless killer and then removed all my reproductive organs.

Tony: Oh. Oh dear. Not great.

Natasha: Damn right. And you thought you had it bad having a neglectful dad.

Tony: Well... it felt bad at the time.

Quill: Well I learned that my dad killed my mom and all my thousands of half-siblings. And I learned he was immortal, so he was pretty damn hard to kill. My adopted dad was cool though, if you can forget the fact he threatened to eat me for not doing what I was told.

Natasha: omg, Tony, his dad must've had more girlfriends than you had to have all those kids!

Tony: Shut. Up.

Hope: I love my parents but dad wasn't great at the parenting thing. When we thought mom died he sent me to boarding school because he was in "grief". Forgetting that I was too and I was seven

Tony: Oof.

Thor: MY FATHER BANISHED ME TO MIDGARD BECAUSE I TRIED TO START A WAR ON ANOTHER WORLD.

Tony: I can see his motives.

Thor: STILL IT WASN'T GREAT. HE LEFT ME TO DEAL WITH LOKI ON MY OWN.

Loki: 🙄

Tony: What about you Loki?

Loki: I had two bad dads. The first one abandoned me in the hope I'd die when I was born. The other one adopted me, raised me to feel inadequate compared to Thor for over a thousand years and expected me to love him anyway. Then he was surprised when I rebelled, killed my first dad and took his throne from him, and when I was dangling over the abyss crushed any of my remaining hopes for impressing him so I willingly tried to commit suicide.

Tony: O_O

Loki: Then I ended up brain-washed by Thanos to take over Midgard. Then I came back and Odin told me my birth right was to die when I was born, then sent me to a prison for the rest of my life, then didn't even tell me when my mother died and didn't let me even go to her funeral when she was the only person who cared about me. 

Tony: Harsh...

Loki: I don't know what he expected to happen but when I got out I cast a spell to banish him to Midgard where he lost all his power and died. The end. And people wonder why I've ended up the way I am.

Tony: Oh. Damn... I never realised you had it so rough.

Hope: Suddenly my dad is an angel

Quill: That even made my dad look like perfection.

Natasha: *sending virtual hug*

Loki: Don't virtual hug me

Natasha: *taking back virtual hug*

Thor: MY BANISHMENT SUDDENLY SEEMS LIKE PARADISE

Loki: Thanks guys. I'm so moved.

Tony: I think my sarcasm detector exploded...