First Love

46

"Suga." A painful cry erupted inside of me. "Come back. You can't leave me."

My heart ached, it felt like someone had punched it. I cried and cried. Grieved over something which could never be undone. I felt useless. I felt broken. I felt like I didn't want to live anymore.

"Suga," I whispered. "I will never forget you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I will never forget your love and I will never forget you."

I buried my face in his chest and sobbed. It was my fault he left me. It was my fault he got hurt. It was my fault he took a bullet for me. I was the reason for his death. I didn't want to love with this guilt. I didn't want to live at all.

"Suga, I won't live in a world where you are not there. I won't live without you." I exhaled and prepared myself for my actions. I kissed his forehead. "I love you."

A gun was lying on the ground. I picked it up with shaking hands and pointed at my head. I fired the bullet and waited for the pain. I waited for the pain to numb my system but it never happened.

I slowly opened my eyes. Surprised, I had thought after dying we lose control over our bodies. I looked at my gun and saw its end pointed at the roof by another hand. So, that is why I never felt the pain. I never shot myself.

I found Suga staring at me.

What?! Suga was alive. I closed my eyes and opened them again. I saw him real and stiff, his hand gripping mine.

The next minute I found myself hugging him. His warmth was too real to deny the fact that he was not alive.

"Suga?" A smile reached my lips. I looked into his black eyes, trying to find joy but I only found disappointment.

"Why would you do that?" He whispered.

"Do what?" I frowned.

"Why would you try to kill yourself?" He looked at me sternly. "How come even the slightest thought of taking your own life came into your mind? Don't you love yourself?" 

I looked down. I felt like a child who was being scolded for doing something wrong. "I am sorry, Suga. But how can you expect me to live without you? I love you." 

"Y/N." I looked up at him. "You can love me only if you love yourself. I love you too. But first, I learnt to love myself." 

I smiled slightly. "I'll try to love myself." 

"That's my Y/N." He smiled back.

"Suga, how are you alive? Weren't you...dead?" I wondered.

"I-I-ah-was-dead but then I-uh-you know." He struggled. "I came back from the dead."

"Huh?" I didn't believe in these things and now that he was telling me about it, I didn't want to believe. "Really?" 

"Yoongi Hyung, cut the act. You already got what you want." A voice said.

I found a man looking at us. Wait, wasn't he dead too? I shrieked and scooted closer to Suga.

"Yeah, I can't lay down anymore." Another man said and got up.

"Are they coming back from the dead too?" I asked Suga, who was unbothered by the situation. 

"No." All of them got up and brushed the dirt off their clothes.

"We did not come back from the dead, we just came back from sleep." The man who had called me said. He removed his mask the rest following. My eyes widened, standing in front of me were the last people I expected to see. With smirks stuck to their faces, Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook walked to us.