First Love

28

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to." I squeezed Suga's hand.

"I want to. I can't keep you in the dark forever. Try not to hate me." I opened my mouth to say something but Suga rested his forehead against mine which shut my mouth. "Don't say anything, just listen. You're going to hate me after this." He gulped and sat straight again, never looking away from my eyes. "A few years ago I moved from Daegu to Seoul to become a songwriter. I was determined to find the perfect job for me. I loved writing songs and I would have loved doing it for a living but when I got here all my dreams shattered. I did write songs and sold them but wasn't able to make enough money for a comfortable life. Sometimes, I had money to eat dinner but no money for a ride back to my apartment. I was getting discouraged. I was slipping into depression. I was lost in a place where I knew no one." He teared up. I didn't say anything but comforted him with my eyes. "Then one night I was returning to my apartment when I was attacked. I knew how to fight so I survived. After I had scared my attacker away a man approached me. He was so graceful that I instantly adored him. He told me that he had seen me fight and was impressed. He offered me a job. Without thinking twice I said yes as I needed money. Later did realise that I had signed up for an eternity of troubles. The man took me to his house and gave me a place to live. The following morning, my life changed. He told me that he was a gangster and he wanted me to join his gang. I was torn. I didn't want to get in more fighting but I was desperate for luxury. He promised that he would take care of me and teach me to fight properly. I couldn't turn down his offer and joined him. There were many other people with us. We fought together and lived together. We were a family." Suga smiled at the memories. "We used to kill people who troubled our city and did illegally work. I was happy that way. I became very close to the man, our leader, Jihoo Hyung, he was like a brother to me." Suga spoke his name with respect. "Then Namjoon, Seokjin Hyung, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook got recruited and I became the happiest person on earth. We all grew together, fighting beside each other, eating together, sleeping upon each other." He chuckled. "My life was perfect until I was assigned to protect a rich family from another gang. That was the last mission of Jihoo Hyung, he died saving our lives." His voice cracked and tears flowed down his cheek. "We couldn't save our client, the rich man and woman but we managed to save their daughter. Jihoo Hyung gave me the responsibility of the gang, which meant I was the new leader. I was under so much pressure that I couldn't think straight. I only managed to take the gang under my control with my friends' help, otherwise of know's what would have happened. I took the girl with me to our house. She was to be kept under protection, as the other gang was still looking for her. We didn't reveal our identity to her and continued to protect her. She stayed at my house. I used to spend all of my time keeping an eye on her, protecting her from all sorts of danger. Then, slowly I became her friend. We got to know each other and started hanging out." His eyes gleamed with admiration. I felt jealous, again. "Her name was Eun and she is the one that bastard was telling you about." Suga gulped, nervous about my reaction. I froze. Seeing me like that he became more nervous. I quickly wiped the blank expression from my face and nodded for him to continue. "After getting to know each other I started falling for her. She was elegant, sweet and kind. I liked her a lot. Gathering up my courage I told her my true feelings. She told me that she liked me too. I became happy as we started dating. I didn't tell her my true identity because I feared that she would start hating me and I had started loving her so dearly that I couldn't bear to see her away from me. I changed myself for her. I did everything she wanted and she was happy with me.  But, my happy world shattered one day when she found out that I was a gangster. She fought with me and ran away from our house. Without her, I stopped eating and constantly searched for her. Namjoon, Seokjin Hyung, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook helped me look for her but it was as if she had vanished into thin air. She was my girlfriend and I had lost her because of some stupid fight. Then, we were informed that she was with our rivals, the gang who had killed her parents. I went to rescue her. She was there, with their leader. They had started dating. I became mad. I wanted her back. When she realised that her other boyfriend was also a gangster, she was heartbroken. A fight erupted between both the gang. We fought like crazy, trying to kill each other. In the fight, Eun." New tears formed in his eyes. "She got shot. She took a bullet for me. She collapsed on the floor and the coward ran away. I walked to her and hugged her. She was dying in front of my eyes and I could do nothing except for watching. She told me she loved me. She was glad it was her who was shot and not me. She didn't want me to die. She loved me and wanted me to be happy. Just like that, she died in my arms." Suga started into the air as tears rolled down his cheek. "That day I swore to myself that I will kill that coward. He stole Eun away from me. and he had to pay. I had to take revenge for her, for me, cause if I would have let him go it would have been unjust to her. And I couldn't let him get away with that." He smiled coldly. For a moment I thought that he turned into the person who fought with the mall man and to be honest he was scary. "A week ago my wish came true. I killed that coward. I avenged Eun. But she is not here to know that."