Ludic Selcouth #4: Panacea

Chapter 29

“Put your blazer back, Mackenzie,” Castriel ordered on a very serious voice. Palihim akong ngumisi at hindi siya pinansin. I just continued to eat the yogurt in my hand. Weʼre currently sitting on the couch here in his living room. Ayaw niya akong papasukin sa kuwarto niya. Heʼs the one courting me but I feel like heʼs more scared of what I can do.

“Your nipple is literally poking from that fucking thin fabric, donʼt you feel uncomfortable at all?” lumingon ako sa kaniya at itinapat ang kutsara sa bibig niya. I smiled when he opened his mouth.

“No. I am proud of my body, you can stare for as long as you want. Besides, I have nothing to hide. Youʼve already see my body before.” he huffed and averted his eyes from me.

“You were the one who removed my blazer in the first place. I donʼt want to put it back anymore.” hindi siya nagsalita at pinanatali na lang ang tingin sa malaking TV. Pinigilan ko ang sarili na matawa at tinapos na lang ang kinakain na yogurt. I really thought that weʼll make out right here and there. Castriel has a strong self-control, I wouldnʼt have stopped him if he wanted to continue it.

“What time are you planning to go home?” tanong niya makalipas ang ilang minuto. I put the empty yogurt container on the center table and move towards him. He shot me a warning look but I just challenged him even more. Now that we have a mutual feelings for each other, I wouldnʼt stop myself from teasing him. Physical touch is my love language.

“Are you sending me home now?”

“No, Iʼm just asking.” I linked my right hand on his left arm.

“Can I sleep here instead?” I felt him tensed beside me. I put my chin on his shoulder as I stared at his side profile. His jaw is so defined and he has a long eyelashes, I am jealous. Minsan ang unfair ng mundo, kung sino pa ang lalaki ay sila pa ang may mahahabang pilikmata.

“No,” he answered on a firm voice.

“Why not? Weʼve already lived under the same villa last year, whatʼs the difference?”

“Weʼre on a much more enclosed space right now, Kenzie. You might want to put a distance between us because—” he paused when I put my other hand on his thigh.

“Because what?” he released a tensed breath. Hinuli niya ang kamay kong nasa hita niya at mahigpit iyong hinawakan.

“Because youʼre giving me a boner. Happy?” I laughed with his straightforwardness. Lumipad ang tingin ko sa ibabaw ng shorts niya. So honest.

“I am already here in front of you, should we do something about it?” my lips almost touched the side of his lip when he turned his head at me. Medyo lumayo ako at tinitigan ang mata niya. I love how expressive his eyes are despite of his usual serious demeanor. He produces a lot of emotions, sometimes, itʼs becoming hard to read.

“Stop saying those words if youʼre not serious. Youʼre making it worse.” he kissed the tip of my nose before returning his eyes on the TV. He never kissed me on the lips. Mas madalas pa nga na ako ang nauuna.

“But Iʼm serious.” his grip on my hand tightened even more.

“Stop playing, Kenzie. Weʼre not official yet, weʼre not doing it,” matigas na aniya. Saglit akong natahimik at tinitigan na lang siya.

“Am I pissing you off now?”

“No, youʼre confusing me.”

“How so?” he sighed and turned off the TV. Tuluyan niyang ibinaling ang buong atensyon sa akin kaya nagsimula ring tumibok nang mabilis ang puso ko.

“Be honest with me, do you like me now?” he asked. I didnʼt answer immediately as I take in every details of his face. I still canʼt believe that weʼre here now. Minsan naiisip ko pa rin kung nasa mahabang panaginip lang ba ako at kalaunaʼy magigising din. It honestly scares me. I donʼt want this to be a dream. Castriel has been my biggest wish since Iʼm young, I donʼt know what will I feel once I found out that all of these arenʼt true.