Ludic Selcouth #4: Panacea

Chapter 32

“Casti, sorry talaga... I need to go to Mace right now. Letʼs just set another dinner next time? I promise tuloy na talaga 'yon. I just need to check on him tonight,” I said while packing a food for Mace. Heʼs not in good shape right now, something is happening to him but he wonʼt say a thing to me. I need to be there for him.

“Youʼve been checking on him almost every night, Kenzie. Heʼs a grown up man, he can take care of himself. I want to see you right now.” I sighed. Itinukod ko ang siko sa counter top at hinilot ang noo. This is my problem right now. Mace and Castriel. My bestfriend is not on his usual self while my boyfriend is asking for my time because his band will already leave weeks from now. The thing is, I couldnʼt hang out with him at this moment, Mace needs me the most.

“Castriel, please... Ayokong makipag-away saʼyo tungkol dito. Naiintindihan mo naman ako hindi ba? We can reschedule the dinner—”

“When? Simula nang maging day shift ka ay buong araw kang nasa hospital, kinagabihan ay si Mace naman ang pupuntahan mo. How about me, Mackenzie? Weʼre running out of time, we wonʼt be together for more than a year. Nandiyan lang 'yang kaibigan mo habang ako ay magpapalipat-lipat ng bansa. All I want is to be with you right now, why do you always chooses him?” I shut my eyes tightly when I felt frustration slowly crawling into my system.

“This is not about who I choose. Donʼt even mention that word. I told you that Mace is a mess. Kailangan niya ako—”

“I also need you,” he said on a hard voice. Tatlong buwan pa lang kami ni Castriel pero may issue na agad siya tungkol sa pagpunta-punta ko kay Mace. I am starting to get annoyed.

“Iʼll be yours at my day off, okay? Right now, I really need to hang up because Iʼm in a hurry.” umayos ulit ako ng tayo at inilagay ang mga pagkain sa paper bag. Natahimik si Castriel at paghinga niya lang ang tangi kong naririnig.

“Iʼm hanging up now. I love you,” mabilis kong sabi at ibinaba ang tawag.

“Pupunta ka ulit kay Mace?” pumasok si mama sa loob ng kitchen kaya tumango ako sa kaniya. Tinulungan niya ako sa mga dadalhin kaya mas napadali ako. Iʼm doing this because if I wonʼt, Mace will starve himself. Heʼs been ditching his work and he just stays inside his condo, he even barely moves.

“Bakit hindi mo na lang muna dalhin si Mace rito, Kenzie? Mas maaalagaan siya rito,” mama suggested.

“I already tried convincing him about it, ma. Ayaw niya, this is the least thing that I can do for him. Kaunti na lang talaga ay susugod na ako sa presinto para idemanda iyong bwisit niyang boyfriend. Heʼs ruining Mace.” humigpit ang hawak ko sa table cloth kaya napahinga ako nang malalim. Right, this is all about his boyfriend, it should be ex-boyfriend now but the bastard forced himself to Mace.

“Avoid doing impulsive actions, Kenzie. Mag-isip-isip ka muna. Mag-iingat ka sa daan. Kung kailangan mong mag-stay muna sa kaibigan mo para mas mabantayan mo siya, doon ka na muna. Gusto mo bang ikuha kita ng damit at uniform para bukas?” agad naman akong tumango dahil mas magandang ideya 'yon. If only I can just live with Mace again, I will do it. Ang kaso lang ay pilit niya akong pinapa-uwi palagi at ayaw niya raw na binibigyan niya ako ng problema. He should remember that we share each otherʼs problems. We solve it together. I wonʼt just abandon him.

Kalahating oras lang ay nakarating na ako sa condo ni Mace. Dire-diretso akong pumasok at iginala ang paningin. Nothingʼs new. The place is clean but I canʼt feel Mace. I canʼt feel him anymore and itʼs making me want to cry. Gusto ko siyang gisingin mula sa mga maling desisyon na ginagawa niya pero alam kong may itinatago siya. He canʼt leave his asshole of a boyfriend because of a certain reason.

“Mace?” I called. Inilapag ko ang mga dala sa center table at pumunta sa bedroom niya.

Heʼs there, lying on his messy bed. Pumasok ako at umupo sa gilid ng kama. Bumukas ang mata niya at tumingin sa akin. His forehead creased but I just stared at him with pained expression. I donʼt want him to be like this, he always welcome me with his teases, with hugs... But now, all I can see on his face is... gray. Gone the sparks and easy-going vibe. I hate it. I hate that heʼs going through this.