Ludic Selcouth #4: Panacea

Chapter 27

Marahan akong sumandal sa sasakyan niya at tumitig sa mga bituing nasa langit. Tahimik na ang paligid at tanging mga kuliglig lang ang naririnig ko. Weʼre on a forest. There are a lot of trees and vines everywhere. Isang oras din ang naging byahe bago kami nakarating dito.

“So? Why did you bring me here?” tanong ko at tumingin kay Castriel. Nakatayo lang siya at may pinaglalaruang lighter sa kamay. Mas binalot ko ang sarili sa suot na blazer nang biglang humangin. Itʼs cold.

“I always want a peaceful place that I could stay at after our concerts,” he answered. Tumitig naman ako sa lighter na hawak niya.

“You can smoke if you want to.” para kasing nagdadalawang isip siyang maglabas ng sigarilyo dahil nandito ako.

“Is it okay?” I nodded.

“I donʼt have anything for men who smoke. I also tried smoking before.” gulat siyang napatingin sa 'kin kaya tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. Anong nakakagulat doon?

“You did?” tumango ulit ako at mas niyakap ang sarili. Iginala ko ang paningin sa paligid at pinagmasdan ang mga punong sumasayaw kasabay ng hangin.

“Yes. Senior days. I have a lot of sisters who smoke and I wanted to try it too. I just stopped when lolo caught me. He was so mad that it scared me. He rarely gets mad at me but once he did, itʼs really frightening. I donʼt want to ruin my relationship with my family just because of that stick.” tumango siya at naglabas na ng sigarilyo. Tahimik niya 'yong sinindihan at bahagyang lumayo sa 'kin.

“Anong oras mo kailangang bumalik sa hospital?”

“Hindi na ako babalik ngayon. Someone already covered for me.” hindi naman ako sasama sa kaniya kung kailangan ko pang bumalik sa trabaho. Saglit ulit kaming natahimik kaya pinagsawa ko na lang ang sarili sa pagmamasid sa paligid. Itʼs really peaceful here. I just didnʼt know this side of Castriel. Hindi ko alam na kailangan niyang mag-refresh pagkatapos ng nakakapagod na concert. I guess it exhausts him. All the noise around him, it must be really tiring. Marami rin pala talaga akong hindi alam sa kaniya. Weʼve known each other since childhood, but weʼre still complete strangers.

He didnʼt speak until he finished his cigarette. Nakatayo lang kami roʼn at nakikinig sa tunog ng kalikasan. Unexpectedly, it feels enough for me. I hated silence with Castriel, but with a serene surroundings like this, I wonʼt complain anymore.

“Kenzie,” he called after a while. Lumingon naman ako sa kaniya at nakitang nakatingin pa rin siya sa kawalan.

“What?”

“Can I hug you?” my pulse started to thump wildly. Hindi agad ako sumagot at tumitig lang sa kaniya. Hindi ako makagalaw pero nag-papanic na ang kaloob-looban ko. Why does he want to hug me? Whatʼs the point? Is that even necessary?

“Two minutes...” I bit my lip when my breath started to get shallow. This happened before... Two minutes...

“Can I?” ulit niya at tumingin na sa 'kin. I blinked and continued staring at him. Something flickered on his eyes, and I couldnʼt explain what was it. A strange emotion... It was oddly familiar that it delivered a pinch on my heart.

I swallowed and tried to say something. My stupid mouth wonʼt release any words right now. I donʼt know what to answer... “You can just punch me after this,” he said before advancing towards me. He embraced me so tight and I just frozed right there. He touched the back of my head while his other arm is around me. I can feel his lips on my hair... He is breathing heavily and it scares me... Something is wrong.

“Castriel...”

“Please... Just for a while...” his voice broke. Mariin akong napapikit at wala sa sariling niyakap siya pabalik. I tapped his back lightly while I can already feel him trembling. Heʼs trying to stop it, but heʼs obviously breaking down.