Ludic Selcouth #4: Panacea

Chapter 25

I continued sipping on the fresh buko juice while Castriel is busy talking with someone outside. Sa tingin ko ay nagsumbong pa ang gagong Myles at gusto akong ipahuli. Kapag lang naman nakulong ako ay sisiguraduhin kong mabubulok din siya sa kulungan. He pushed me first.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas nang bumalik na si Castriel sa loob ng villa. Seryoso lang ang mukha niya, itʼs his usual face. Umayos ako ng upo at sinundan siya ng tingin. He sat beside me before staring right into my eyes.

“What happened? Uuwi ba ako sa Manila para sa hayop na 'yon? Pwede kaming mag-demandahan, nauna naman siya.” he sighed as he massaged his temple.

“You said he pushed you? Why?” binitawan ko na ang hawak na buko at seryosong humarap sa kaniya.

“Nag-aaway nga kasi kami ni Zither, we were pulling each otherʼs hair. Tapos bigla siyang dumating, he pulled me away from Zither and he pushed me on the floor harshly. I have a bruise on my hip and wrist, wanna see it?” inilahad ko sa kaniya ang kamay at may namumuo nang pasa sa may palapulsuhan dahil 'yon ang ginamit kong pantukod kanina para hindi ako masubsob. He held my hand and started speculating the bruise.

“Did you really crush his balls?” tumango ako at binawi na ang kamay mula sa kaniya.

“Yeah, Iʼm sure of that. Sana hindi na 'yon tumigas ulit, gago naman siya.” he bit his lip.

“Good.” nangunot ang noo ko at taka siyang tiningnan.

“Good?”

“You said he is hurting his girlfriend, he also hurt you. Serves him right, you did a great job,” aniya sa mahinahong boses. Saglit akong napatitig sa kaniya at kalaunaʼy napangiti.

“I really hate men who hurt women. Come to think of it... you also hurt me a lot of times. Should I crush your balls too—” napatigil ako sa pagsasalita nang kunin niya ang bukong iniinom ko kanina at isinubo ang straw sa bibig ko.

“I never hurt you physically.” sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at inalis ang straw mula sa bibig ko.

“You still hurt me. I hate you.”

“You shouldʼve let go of your hate towards me a long time ago if you already gave up on me. Moving forward means erasing all the feelings for that person, may it be love or resentment,” he said.

“Wrong. You move forward, but you donʼt forget.”

“But you should forgive.” that shut me up.

Dahil wala akong masabi ay inirapan ko na lang siya. “What are you planning now? Are you going to stay with me?” he asked. Naninibago talaga ako sa kaniya. He never talked to me like this before, Iʼm not sure what to feel.

“Of course not! I just need to book a boat to return at the city, and Iʼm leaving.” nasasayangan lang ako sa leave na ginawa ko. Wala ring pinatunguhan dahil kay Myles na bigla na lang sumulpot dito. I wonder how he can manipulate Zither that smoothly. Hindi naman ako ang girlfriend, pero ako ang nasasakal para sa kaibigan ko.

“Why? You can stay here with me until 31, we can just go home together.” my stupid heart jumped. Umiling-iling ako at tumayo. Nah... this is dangerous. He is dangerous. I am dangerous.

“No, baka gapangin mo ako.” kita ko ang paglitaw ng amused na expression sa mukha niya.

“I should be the one saying that.” wow, ang kapal niya na talaga ngayon.

“I will never do that. You should guard yourself more. Youʼre so fucking clingy whenever you gets drunk, itʼs like youʼre turning into a completely different person. Kailangan ko bang banggitin ang lahat ng ginawa mo sa 'kin tuwing nalalasing ka?” I raised my eyebrow at him. Nakatayo na ako sa harapan niya habang naka-upo pa rin siya kaya naman siya ang nakatingala ngayon.