*** Before I start I just want to say I AM NOT ROMANTICIZING TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS!!! If you are in one or find yourself heading towards one GET OUT and ASK FOR HELP. Most Toxic relationships end up horribly. Not all Abuse is physical! It can be mental and emotional as well. Stay Safe please ***
"What makes you run back every time?" Is the question I get from everyone regarding my relationship. My answer is always the same though.
"The rush of adrenaline, the feeling of time stopping until it starts." My relationship has no other label than toxic.
It has never gotten physical but the yelling and arguing the cheating and lying for some is just as bad. I was really wondering if this will be a forever thing. Who is going to change first??
I was his drug but he was mine too. It was an endless cycle of the same thing.
3-4 days having a normal relationship, then he would cheat and I would come back.
3-4 days of nothing but passion and love, then I would lie about who I was with.
It enraged him to the core, but it would enrage me just the same. They yelling the arguing the throwing and breaking of things. It was all addictive just for those 3-4 days. Just for the rush of adrenaline I had become addicted too.
I was sitting at the park looking out at the kids. I had ended up pregnant with his kid. Kang Taehyun's kid. I knew at that moment the relationship would have to change or...
I had to leave for the sake of my unborn child.
I walked home and saw him sitting at the kitchen island. He smiles at me. His sweet smile that could melt the sun.
"Hi baby where were you today?" It always started like this so I knew today was a toxic day.
"I was at the park thinking about us since you knocked me up" I shrugged my shoulders at his dumbfounded expression. He sat back down but seemed out of it so I went on with going to the room and changing my clothes. He walked in silently and sat on the bed watching me.
"What were you thinking about at the park?" He asked monotones a little bit above a whisper.
"I was thinking about the elephant in the room. We both know this relationship is toxic, but now we both have to think about other things. It either has to change or we need to both walk away. If we decide to walk away you will still get to see your kid. We will share custody if you want, but us as a couple, it will be in the past." I spoke nothing but the truth at the moment. I had no idea what was going on in his head and I hoped whatever he is thinking about would be for the better of the child.
"Come lay down in bed please." That was the softest I have ever heard him speak to me. I lay next to him and he pulls me to him rubbing my belly. I had already known by that action what he chose
Time skip
I wake up to Taehyun packing up his things. This was for the better.
"I hope one day we can work through everything and be together. I hope you know how much I love... god damnit how much I fucking love you. I will work on me, and you work on you, and we will re-evaluate from there. Just please wait for me?" He wouldn't turn to look at me and at this moment that was for the better. I knew he was crying and I was trying not to cry. I put my hand on his back for what I thought would be the last time before he got up and left.
5 years later
Taehyun and I worked things out. We first had to get through a lot of things ourselves. Our inner demons and unsolved traumas were the cause of being so toxic. We worked on ourselves for 1 year before we decided to go to couples therapy before even considering going back to each other. He was in love with his daughter. They were in inseparable and their love was something out of this world.
It was our daughters 5 birthday and Taehyun was walking in the room with the cake and a lit candle singing happy birthday.
"What did you wish for?" We asked after she blew out the candle.
"I wished for mommy and daddy to get married and for a little brother or sister." Taehyun and I had looked at each other awkwardly but didn't say a word.
Time skip again
Our daughter was in bed soundly asleep. Taehyun and I sat in the living room talking.
"You know I am still waiting for you like you asked me right?" I say looking out the window.
"Then will you take me back??" He looked over at me already knowing the answer.
"Yes, I will"
