Exploding Heart Disorder (Fearless Vampire Killers Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-Six

[Alyx's P.O.V.]

I wake up in a daze. My head is pounding, my eyes are stinging, and I can feel a heavy weight pressing down on my waist. I shift slightly, muttering groggily, and open my eyes slowly, reluctantly, to let in some much-unwanted light. I can hear soft snoring in the room, and turn my head to see that I'm in Shane and Drew's room. Shane is fast asleep in his own bed, lying face-down as he snores to himself, and turning my head the other way I notice that Drew is lying beside me, his arm tight around my waist, features twisted as though he's having some sort of bad dream. I slip out from under his arm, sitting at the end of the bed and looking out the window. Outside it is still dark - a quick glance at the clock on the bedside table tells me it is just shy of 4am. I groan, and then everything floods back into my mind. Everything from last night. My parents, my mother being a bitch, having to travel the world with them, my aunt and father not sticking up for me, running away, being picked up by Drew...and now this. I rest my head in my hands, suddenly feeling extremely low and anxious. I ran off, but what if they find me? They'll make me travel with them. And I don't want to travel anymore. I've been travelling all my life, why should I do some more of it?

I stand up slowly, making my way across the room and opening the door. No one is in the front room as I glance across the small hallway - they must all be asleep then. I make my way through to the kitchen, getting myself a glass of water and quickly downing it in one gulp. I lean against the counter and tug at the sleeves of my hoodie, glancing around the dark room. My eyes rest upon a knife left out on the counter, possibly forgotten about. I move to stand up, but have to stop myself quickly.

No. I promised Drew I wouldn't. I know it upsets him, and I don't want to be any more of a burden to him than I already am.

I reach out slowly to grab the knife, but then force myself to quickly leave the kitchen. Instead, I sit down on the sofa, staring blankly at the black screen of the tv. My head is spinning, my mind filled with untold horrors and menacing thoughts that no sane person should possess.

I sit like this for a while, glancing around the room every so often and then staring into oblivion, just thinking. It is only when I hear a door open in the hallway that I snap myself out of it, and I hear soft footsteps crossing the hall before Shane sleepily drags himself into the front room, flopping down on the sofa next to me.

"What's up?" He asks me, smiling slightly, obviously still half-asleep.

"Nothing." I say quietly. I don't really want to burden anyone else. I've done it to Drew enough, I don't want to burden Shane too.

"Something's up. I usually get up this early when something's on my mind. So I'm guessing you're upset about something?"

I pull my knees up against my chest, shaking my head and tugging at my sleeves, gripping the edges of the material in my tight grip.

"No. I'm fine."

"Drew ran straight out the door earlier when he got a call earlier. I'm guessing that call was from you?"

I nod slowly.

"So something happened earlier and you don't want to talk about it. Okay-doke."

I sigh. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it. Just...not now. I have a lot on my mind."

"I know how you feel. I've got a lot on my mind too."

I glance at him sideways, suddenly curious. "Like what?"

"Well...promise you won't say anything." I nod. "I...I guess I might kind of have some kind of thing...uh...for Mitch."

I cock an eyebrow. "What kind of a thing?"

"I...I..." He sighs deeply. "I really like her. Have done for some time now. I mean, since we were kids we've argued about the silliest of things. We've played pranks on each other, we've had the pettiest arguments, and yet still we've remained friends. I guess I just really like her and..." He trails off, and I smile slightly.

"How long have you liked her for?" I ask, turning in my chair to face him properly.

He smiles slightly, playing with his glasses quietly for a moment. "Months. A couple of years, perhaps." I resist the urge to "aww" at his bashfulness toward the very subject. "I know you're her best friend and all, so I want to ask you...has she said anything? I mean, I know you probably won't say, seeing as she'd have said to keep it a secret if she did. But still."

I cock my head to the side. "She may have said something."

"Really?" The childish spark of hope in his eyes is almost adorable. "Like what?"

"Well...a while ago, at the My Passion gig, she told me she really likes you but didn't want me to say anything. We had to tell Laurence in school, seeing as he was getting suspicious and all."

Shane flushes slightly pink in the dim room. "So...so she likes me? Or...or did?"

"I suppose. You should ask her yourself-"

"I can't do that! It would be really awkward!" I resist the urge to smile at the similarity between Mitch's earlier words and Shane's protest. They're more alike than they care to admit. Maybe they could be really good together.

Tell you what. Ask her out on Tuesday, at the gig. If she says yes, then that's great-"

"And if she says no?"

I sigh. "If she says no, I'll kick her little arse into shape and tell her she's making a huge mistake."

Shane smiles slightly wider. "Thanks. You know, if something's up, I'm always here to listen. It's the least I can do."

He stands up slowly, squeezing my shoulder, and I smile sadly, nodding. He pads back through to the bedroom, leaving me to think to myself again. My mind is still in turmoil, and the longer I sit by myself on the sofa, thinking about everything, the mess in my mind just grows and grows and grows. I stand up slowly, walking through to the kitchen, and stare down at the knife again.

Is it really worth it? Are my problems really all that bad that I need to find solace in the cuts from a knife? Is there really no way to resolve my issues?

I take a tight grip on the handle, raising the knife slowly, my hand shaking.

My parents have never been there for me. Always put themselves before their own daughter. And yet they're selfish enough to just expect me to travel the world with them.

Every time I've moved to a new town or city, or even country, with my aunt, no one has accepted me for who I am. I've been an outcast all my life, I've never fitted in. I've found it hard to make friends, but London is the one place I've finally fitted in and made some friends, I've really been able to let my hair down here. Now my parents want to take me away from all that? Do they really not care enough that they'd let me live in misery just to look like better parents, the parents that let their only daughter travel the world with them?

I hold the knife as steady as I can, my breathing heavy, my eyes stinging. I don't have to do this. I don't have to do this.

But there is a small voice in the back of my head saying: you want to do this. It's the only escape. The only solution.

I ready the blade, and when the cool metal rests against my skin, poised to kill, my decision is made.

This is the only way out. The only way I'll ever make things better. I need to end my problems, permanently.

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[Author's Message]

This chapter is kind of depressing. And gruesome. I know, I know, so please don't pelt me with seagulls. I just don't want to make this story a cliched little *glamorous romance* kind of thing, where the only problems are relationship-related. Because that's rather unrealistic, in my opinion. So, if you're not too pissy about this shit chapter, feel free to leave some feedback, and maybe drop a quick vote...and if you haven't already, a cheeky click on the "share" and "fan" buttons would be bloody marvellous! I'll be sure to upload sometime within the next week, so you shouldn't have to wait long for the next part.

Keep the peace, stay awesome and faith always...Bevers ;; x