Exploding Heart Disorder (Fearless Vampire Killers Fanfic)

Chapter Thirty-Four

[Drew's P.O.V.]

I wake up to the sound of semi-excited chatter, and open my eyes to see that Kier is sitting on the edge of the bed, babbling away aimlessly. Laurence is on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall and drinking what must be his usual morning coffee, and Alyx's aunt is sitting on the other side of the bed, holding Alyx's other hand.

"There we go, he's awake now." I hear her whisper, possibly reassuring the unconscious figure in the bed that is her niece. I meet the woman's gaze for a short moment, smiling reassuringly, and then Kier begins babbling incoherently again.

"I mean, you're not gonna miss much, because we're not doing any more shows until you get better. It's not fair on us to keep going on with our music whilst you're here suffering. So, obviously, we'll be right here until you wake up, and then until you get out of here."

And what do we do if she doesn't wake up? I ask myself. It's only when I gain three horrified stares that I realise I must've said that out loud.

"She will." Her aunt says determinedly. "I'm sure of that. I won't let her die."

A short time passes of Kier talking to Alyx, Laurence mumbling to himself, and Alyx's aunt and I holding the girl's hands, until I see Shane and Mitch wander in, hand in hand. Mitch's eyes are still wide and filled with brimming tears, and Kier sighs, stopping his babbling for a moment to pull his twin into a tight hug.

I hear Alyx's aunt stifle a yawn, and look towards her at the same time Laurence does.

"You can go home just now if you want, Maura. She'll be alright, and you seem exhausted."

She stands up slowly, and then pauses. "Are you sure? I..." One pointed look from Laurence has her picking up her bag. "Thank you. Phone me if anything else happens. I'll need to know she's okay. And I'll be here later to see her." She sends a nervous smile our way, and then she's gone, leaving the rest of us in the now-silent room.

"They said she might be able to hear us." I say quietly. "So you can speak to her, and it'll just be like she's ignoring you."

Mitch smiles sadly, sinking into the chair vacated by Alyx's aunt. "Hey, Barnesy." She nudges her friend gently, and I notice how Shane's hand is resting upon her shoulder the whole time. I keep my hand resting over Alyx's, my eyes stinging as I look upon her pale, peaceful face. She could be sleeping. She could just be very tired. She can't be in a coma...

I keep this illusion for a little while, just imagining that we're back in the flat, with Alyx having just fallen asleep on the sofa as always, the others scattered around the room as they tune up instruments and practise. And for a moment I'm happy.

The illusion is quickly shattered as I hear the nurse shuffle into the room, quickly changing the bags on the IV stand, and the others are all quiet for a moment until she leaves again.

"This is my fault." I whisper, looking down at Alyx again. I can feel my eyes brimming with tears, but scrub at them furiously. I don't want to look weak, not when I have to stay strong for Alyx.

"It's not." I hear Luke say, and smile sadly. I didn't even see him come in.

"If I hadn't let her run off like that, I..." I close my eyes tightly, my other hand closing around Alyx's, my head bowed over the bed as I grit my teeth tightly. My throat is burning with the need to break out a sob, and I can feel tears quickly rush down my cheeks, splashing onto the covers below. Luke's hand rests against my back for a moment as he pats it reassuringly, and then he leaves again. I sit like this for a while, until Shane's arms wrap around me in a tight hug. His head rests against my shoulder as I cry almost silently, and he sighs deeply, before ruffling my hair and sitting on the edge of the bed. I look up to see that the others are all gone, and then meet Shane's gaze, smiling weakly.

"Stop saying it's your fault. And stop pretending everything is alright. I know it's not." His next words hit me though, harder than before. "You're doing what Alyx usually does. Pretending everything's okay when it really isn't. I've never seen you like this, Timid, it's scaring me."

"How do you know she-"

"I've seen her arms, Drew. I know what she does. We've all seen. And I know something must be seriously up with her. You must know why she does it, and I'm not going to ask, but please just tell me you'll not do anything stupid. I hate seeing you upset."

I nod. "I promise. But for now, I..." I look back to Alyx, my tears still running steadily down my cheeks. "Can I have a moment just to...to speak to Alyx?"

Shane nods. I can always count on him to understand. He leaves the room quickly and silently, and when he's gone I look down at the lifeless figure in the hospital bed, closing my eyes tightly to block out the image. I hate seeing her like this. I can't do it. I can't...

My hands instinctively go to her wrists, bare and exposed, and I realise that the cuts are fading, yet still visible. There are fresh cuts, perhaps from only a few days ago, and my fingers linger over them, my breath jarring in my throat as I realise that anyone could have seen these cuts. And, most probably, everyone has, just as Shane just said.

She counted on me to keep her habit a secret. And it's my fault she's here.

It's my fault they've seen her arms, and my fault that her secret will undoubtedly be out in the open.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, touching the only part of her usually pale face that isn't cut or stitched or bruised, along her right cheekbone. "I should never have let you do that. It's my fault you're here." I lean over her and kiss her forehead softly, before pushing her black hair away from her face. Even when she's bruised and battered, she's still beautiful. "I love you." I whisper. "God, so much that sometimes it hurts. I don't want to lose you, but I know that, because of my own actions, I will. I shouldn't have hesitated, I should have run out and pushed you out of the way. Maybe then it would be me in this mess, instead of you."

The steady beeping of the monitor fills the silence in the room for a moment, and I shrink back into my seat, holding her small hand between my two larger ones.

"Everything was going so well. You almost told me you love me. Though I can't blame you for not telling me, god knows I'm hard to get on with and confess things to."

I smile sadly as I remember how we were with each other before we were both certain of one another's feelings. I would give anything to go back to then, back to before all this. I would give anything to be able to do things differently, so that maybe this wouldn't have happened. So that maybe she would still be alive and well.

It takes me a moment to remind myself that she's not dead, not yet. But even so, my eyes are still burning as I look down at her. Limp. Lifeless. Grey. Silent.

"Alyx, I..." I sigh. "I don't...don't..." I hold my breath, and then a sob escapes my lips. "I don't want you to die. I don't want to lose you." I squeeze her hand tightly. "I love you so much. I don't want to lose you. Not now."

I release her hand, closing my eyes tighter than before and feeling hot tears rush down my cheeks.

That's when I feel the squeeze on my hand, and the soft mumble that seems to break the horrible quiet in the room.

"Don't cry, Drew."

- - - - - - - - - - -

[Author's Message]

Wow. Okay. Here's another chapter. I had to make some kind of break in the depression, so...yeah. Sorry for the cliffhanger, but you should all know by now that I simply can't help it! Fancy leaving some feedback? It'll help me upload quicker, promise!

Keep the peace, stay awesome and faith always...Bevers ;; x