Exploding Heart Disorder (Fearless Vampire Killers Fanfic)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

[Alyx's P.O.V.]

Up until last night, I really did think that Mitch, of all people, might at least have some wits about her.

But I was wrong. She's just as much of an idiot as her brother is. Even I know that a band needs more than one night's notice for a gig! But then again, Mitch is part of the Kemp family, and from what I've witnessed, they're all idiots...

And to add to Mitch's idiocy, she obviously didn't have a clue how the guys would react - she probably thought they would be thankful.

Hah. Far from it! The first thing they all did was fly right for her, instruments discarded as they proceeded to chase her around the tiny flat, nerf swords and guns poised to potentially harm. I don't blame them, really, I would've done much the same. It all ended with Mitch lying face-down on the bathroom floor, a red mark forming on her forehead from where a certain Mr Illingworth had thwacked her with a nerf sword, a muddy boot pressing down on her back as Luke joined the others in an awfully childish victory roar. The full time I had remained cross-legged on the wooden flooring in the front room, watching them dash from room to room and then eventually break into completely mental "man-hugs" and (fake, I hope) hysterical sobbing, as though they'd just won some kind of epic war and had only just escaped with their lives.

Such children. They've been just as childish today, their antics just as immature as last night. Who knew that five guys in their late teens could be so stupid?

Who am I kidding, they're always bloody like this. Though I do suspect their immaturity is just a means to cover up their nerves for tonight; even a blind guy could tell they're anxious.

Hell, even I can tell they're anxious.

I turn towards Jack, Will and Ross, who are almost pissing themselves with laughter at the way the others are acting. Kier has been prancing around for the last fifteen minutes with Laurence, singing like an idiot and attracting just a little too much attention to our group; Drew is being a "sassy black woman" (Will's words, not mine); Luke is firing nerf darts at the windows and pretending he's James Bond, even going so far as to sing the classic 007 theme tune like a noob; Shane appears to be planking on the ground, still and unmoving...I think he might be dead. Everyone passing us in the corridor is giving us weird looks, but Ross is just sending them on their way, with either disgusting chat-up lines or obscene comments that...well, I'd rather not repeat.

"Why are they all acting so...weird?" Mitch asks, looking at the lot of absolute madmen as they do...their thing.

"They're our boys," Jack states, looking almost like a bemused mother as he shakes his head at them all, "it's just what they do. Especially when they're nervous."

I look towards Kier and Laurence at the same time as everyone else does, only to witness the pair doing what looks like the Macarena, singing "my milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard" like there's no tomorrow. Which, for them, there might not be after tonight. I notice that Kier has tied his shirt in such a way so as to reveal his stomach, and he looks like he's trying to belly dance. I think I'm about to be sick.

"They're doing that in a place filled with people they see every day. They don't have the right to be nervous." Mitch says, kicking Shane lightly in the ribs. "Shane, what the hell are you doing?"

"Just acting out what I'll be after tonight: a corpse." He mumbles. "And I'm not Shane-"

"You're Barrone." I finish for him.

"No. I'm Sharrone." Jack, Will and Ross splutter with laughter at the same time as I do; Mitch isn't laughing at all.

"Sharon?! That's a-"