Confidentiality

Chapter 21

Janus spent the next few days holed up in his room.

After promptly breaking down in front of the League of Heroes, he ignored their questions and went straight to bed. That was a few days ago, he hadn’t left the room since. 

He just didn’t know how to explain himself. What was he supposed to say? He couldn’t tell them why he was upset, they’d hate him if they knew why he wanted to be their friend in the first place. 

Maybe if he distanced himself from them, it would make this feeling go away.

The door wasn’t locked, but no one dared to come inside. They usually stayed in the hallway, talking to him through the door. Of course, they would always ask if they could come inside, silence being their answer every time.

Who knew what they were thinking? Maybe they thought Janus was dying, that the pressure of being a hero had finally got to him, or maybe that he knew something they didn’t. 

They were all true, in a way. He knew of the villain’s plan, and they didn’t. The pressure of lying had finally caught up to him. And as for if he was dying? 

Not yet, anyway.

His mother would kill him.

Janus sighed, burying his face in his blanket. What was he going to do? 

There was a knock at the door. “Janus?” 

Looks like it was Roman’s turn to check up on him.

“Um, Patton is gonna start making dinner. You’re probably hungry, considering you’ve been in here for three days now.”

Only three? He could’ve sworn it was more.

“Maybe you’ve been getting snacks in the middle of the night, I dunno.” Roman murmured. “I just--I don’t wanna rush you, but could you please consider coming to dinner?” He asked, and Janus could hear him fidgeting anxiously. 

Janus didn’t say anything, staring blankly at the door. He was starving, but he’d gone longer without food. This was fine. 

“We’re really worried about you, Jan.” Roman said. “Remus can hardly eat, Virgil hasn’t slept, Patton’s been crying all the time, and we barely even see Logan anymore.” 

Janus frowned. Why? Did he really matter that much to them?

Oh god, how would they react when he betrayed them?

“Can you at least let us know that you’re still alive? Please?” Roman begged. “We don’t even have to talk about it, we just wanna know if you’re okay. We care about you.” 

Janus grimaced, pressing the backs of his palms to his eyes. He cared about them too. He really did. That’s what the problem was.

"You're part of our family, Jan."

Janus scowled. Stop it.

"We want to help you."

Janus shook his head. Stop it.

“We love you, Jan.” Roman croaked. “We want you to be okay.”

Janus curled into a ball, gritting his teeth. Guilt was eating him alive. He would never get to experience their love after his mother called for him. God, he wished that his mother never sent him on this mission. He wished that he didn’t have any powers. He wished his mother had just left him on the street to die instead of taking him in.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all emotional.” Roman laughed shakily. “I’ll leave you alone now. Just...think about it, okay? No pressure."