A Designer's Creation

31. Longing for Each Other's Touch

After what happened in that office with Fred Cervantes almost a decade ago, I told myself, Tyrone Chen never deserves to have me and I didn't deserve to have someone like him.

He was a good boy. He was a treasure of his family, and even my own clan. Na kung ipagsisikan nila ako sa kanya, parang wala ako kung wala siya.

And I ended up hating him for that. As if I was his shadow and I only exist because of his light. At ang pangarap kong maging gaya ni Lola Ning na hindi umaasa sa lalaki, parang inaalis niya ang karapatan sa akin para maging ganoon.

He was always the best man every ladies would wish for. Rich, gentleman, family-oriented. Magbibigay siya ng regalo sa isa, pero laging buong pamilya ang makakatanggap. At that point, kahit sino, magtatanong kung bakit nga ba hindi nila gugustuhing magkaroon ng isang manugang na gaya ni Tyrone Chen?

But everything had changed after I threw that engagement ring in the middle of the night. Telling him that we would never work out because we were not meant for each other.

Ty never told me if he loves me nor he was fond of me as his fiancée. No words from him saying I love you or I like you. It was always that But we're engaged, You're supposed to marry me, Daddy Ping said it so. It was never from him but for the decision of the other people around us.

I hate him. For the past ten years of my life, I hated him. Wala akong ibang ginawa kundi palayasin siya sa buhay ko. Sirain siya kina Tita Daisy. Kahit ang ipahiya siya sa mga empleyado ng Lion.

And while I was looking at his back, I realized that this man in front of me was the man who stayed with me for the past ten years of my cursed life.

He never left.

And I guess, it was easy for me to hate him for ten years than to love any man for a week or two. He was the longest commitment I had in my life, and until now in my messed up moment, he was still here with me fixing everything.

"Your closet is full of wrapped gifts with my name," he said after he wore a black satin sleepwear. It was a buttoned top and comfortable pajamas. And it was so freaking expensive at kasalanan ni Tita Daisy kung bakit ko iyon binili. Hindi ko naman ipakikita sa kanya ang closet ko kung hindi siya nagpakabasa sa banyo para lang patahanin ako. "Hindi ko alam na alam mo pala ang size ko."

"Binibigay sa 'kin ng opisina mo ang size mo every year."

Naninibago ako habang nakatingin kay Tyrone. I used to see him as the general manager in the Lion Fashion branch. His hair was slicked back, his facial hair was neatly trimmed, and his chinito eyes were always serious, although, for some instances with her ladies, I always see him smile.

Pero mukhang hindi pa siya nakakapagpagupit. Mahaba na ang buhok niya at lumampas na sa tainga, mata, at batok. He was using his contact lens kapag nasa opisina kaya may kung ano sa akin na natuwa nang makita ko ulit siyang nakasalamin. Sa labo ba naman ng mata niya, talagang mahihirapan siyang kumilos nang maayos.

"I called Tita Daisy while you're changing clothes. Sabi ko, kasama kita." Lumapit siya sa 'kin sa puwesto ko sa may headboard at umupo sa gilid ng kama paharap sa 'kin. Inayos niya ang towel na nakasampay sa balikat ko at piniga roon ang hindi pa tuyong buhok ko. "I know you're better than this, Cin. You can't be like this every day."

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. It was the first time I let him enter this place—my safe haven. And it felt safer right now I couldn't explain why.

"When you said you hate me . . . did you mean that?" I asked while catching his upturned eyes behind his thick glasses.