A Designer's Creation

48. After All

When you grew up in a fucked-up household—your mother was a former prostitute who fell in love with her one-time client, believing that, at last, she met a man who will take her out of her misery yet ended up in a much more miserable life; your father was a fucking rich man who made money out of other people's mess and never believed in the concept of monogamy; your own clan was full of gold diggers and only want you because of money, fame, and influence, and willing to throw you in pits of hell once you messed up more than they did in their lives-no one had a right to tell me I should be perfect if I was surrounded by these kinds of people. No one should tell me to do better with my life because I haven't seen a better life ever since I was a kid.

I grew up never believing in happy endings. Na-witness ko sa sariling mga magulang 'yon. Hindi dahil maganda si Cinderella, magiging sila ni Prince Charming sa dulo. My mother was beautiful, alam ng lahat 'yon. Pinakamabenta nga siya club dati. Hindi rin naman siya aanakan ni Daddy kung hindi siya maganda.

At hindi dahil mayaman si Daddy at nagkaanak na siya sa iba, magiging sila na ng naanakan niya.

It's an endless cycle na sa sobrang paulit-ulit, nakakasawa nang unawain. You stayed with a person you thought you love, tapos kapag nagsawa ka na after a few days, or few weeks, or few months, or even few years, maghahanap ka na ulit ng iba kasi na-fall out ka na. Na parang napakahirap maging masaya sa iba kaya hanap ka nang hanap ng iba pa para lang masabi mo sa sarili mo na sa wakas, kontento ka na.

And I've been there before. I've been with a lot men, I've deal with a lot of demons every night, I've spent most of nights taking transient moments with guys who didn't like permanent relationships as well. Hiraman lang ng oras, labasan lang ng init ng katawan, pagdating ng umaga, babalik na lang sa dati ang lahat na parang hindi magkakilala.

I've been there. And borrowing impermanent happiness led me to much miserable life. Spending every night to forget, and every morning to remember.

It's been a month since Ty left the country. Tyrone's birthday is on July 15 and Forest was nowhere to be seen after she sent that gown sa Beijing.

Noong nakita namin ni Jericho yung wedding photo sa main Facebook account ni Tyrone, nagprisinta siyang mag-part-time muna as store assistant sa boutique ko. Sabi ko, baka may trabaho pa siya sa Sip and Drip o kaya sa iba pang establishments. Sabi naman niya, nag-resign na muna siya sa Sip and Drip kasi hindi niya kaya yung layo ng location ng bahay niya tapos work sa boutique ko then sa café. Mabuti raw sana kung nasa Lion pa rin ang opisina ko, mapagsasabay niya ang pag-aayos ng interior ko saka trabaho as crew.

Pumayag naman ako kasi nga wala na naman siyang work. Nag-soft opening ulit ang Cinn D's Creation at nakakatanggap na ulit ako ng mga client for weddings.

First week pa lang, sinabi ko na kay Jericho, doon muna siya mag-stay sa condo ko kasi ang layo talaga ng bahay niya sa boutique. Pumayag naman siya. Pero hindi kami magkasama sa condo kasi kahit na nakita ko na yung wedding photo ni Tyrone . . . mas pinili kong tumira sa bahay nito sa Taytay. Hindi naman ako mag-isa roon kasi kada day off ko, pumupunta yung mga housekeeper na naglilinis ng bahay niya.

Nasa akin ang susi ng bahay. Ako ang unang pinangakuan ng kasal. May agreement na kami. Kung may dapat mag-stay sa bahay ni Tyrone, ako 'yon.

"Ang dami pa ring made to order kahit na nakatapos na tayo ng pito?" reklamo ni Jericho habang nag-aayos ng inventory ng accessories na kadarating lang sa boutique. Kahon-kahon iyon ng mga pearls, rhinestones, embroidered patterns, beads, mga special thread for beading din na in-order ko three days ago. Nakaupo siya sa sofa at nakapatong sa glass table sa harapan niya ang napakaraming items na order ko katabi ng malaking logbook at laptop.