Why The Hell Not

Vulnerable

Zara
I looked at him with strange eyes. It's like I was conflicted on my emotions. Part of me wanted to feel his skin on mine, and another part wanted to scream at him! I felt dirty, stupid, jealous and just a little used...

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, looking down to meet my eyes.

How do I tell him that I'm upset about a girl who probably doesn't think about me twice? How do I tell him that I feel like a dirty mop? How do I find the words to say that I feel lied to?

He stared at me and waited for me to find the words to speak. Each second felt like minutes as he watched my every move. He was studying me so much, little did he know that that was making me feel more uncomfortable. He looked like wine, and I looked like why!

"Almost everything.." I finally said, after 2 minutes of silence. My voice was barely above a whisper, cracking near the end of my sentence. I felt so small right now.

"Okay, start with the first thing that comes to mind," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

I looked to the ground, desperate to break eye contact. How can he look at me while I look and smell like this? I felt so self-conscious!

"Or start wherever you want. I just wanna help, '' he said. I could feel his eyes burning the top of my head. Was he really going to watch me till I spoke?

After another 2 minutes of silence, I got my answer to the question.

It was so quiet I could hear the people in the hallway breathing. The tension in this room was so intimidating. I counted how many times I took a breath just to make sure I didn't pass out.

This is my mate, my mate that I've not even known for a whole 24 hours, and this is how we start our lives. I always thought me and my mate would just click the second we locked eyes, but pretty much every time he has seen me I've been at my worst.

I was so lost in my head that I didn't even notice I was crying till I felt his hand on my check. He gently wiped the tears from my eyes with his right hand. He rubbed my shoulders with his left.

"I'm sorry" he suddenly said, making my head snap up at him. Why was he saying sorry? I didn't even tell him what he did yet! "I don't mean to pressure you to tell me what's wrong, I just want to make you feel better..can you tell me how I can do that?"

He took another step closer to me and I instantly stepped back.

"I smell bad" I said, just high enough for him to hear it.

"Don't ever step away from me like that, why would I care how you smell right now when you're upset?"

"Because it's part of the reason I'm upset. Every time you see me I look a mess" I finally said. I know that if I don't start talking then we will just sit here for 15 hours in loud silence.

"Well that's an easy fix that I can help with. I could run you a bath" he said, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I found myself smiling softly at his actions, leaning into his hand.

"Okay" I nodded.

"Could I get more pieces to the puzzle?" He asked, allowing my head to rest on his hand.

"Who is she?" I asked, quickly hating myself for asking like that. Deep down I knew I had to, I needed to know so I could stop thinking about it.

"The only she that we both have seen besides your family is Abigail. She's my beta and best friend. Why? Did she say anything to you?"

Beta?

That's who he chose to be his beta? Why not a 40 year old man or something non-threatening?

My brother doesn't even have a beta so I really have no personal references on how they should behave, but their relationship feels wrong.

From what I do know they are just help for the Alpha. Not a clingy Leach!

Unlike me, her body was perfect, so snatched and tight looking.

I wasn't 'big' but I wasn't what you called 'small' either. I had relatively small boobs, I believe they were barely a B cup. I had a little bit of ass, it wasn't anything too huge. My stomach was not flat, what can I say I love to eat. It wasn't hanging down my pants, but it was there.

"How long have you known her?" I couldn't help but ask him that question.

"I don't even remember meeting her, I've just always known her."

That's not what I wanted to hear. That means it's a big story with them and I just showed up. Who am I to tell him not to see her?

"Oh" I said, looking to the side.

"She's just a friend, nothing more. I'm sure you've seen the headlines and they are wrong. Me and her never did anything graphic. She's honestly nothing to worry about" he said, basically reading my mind.

"Where have you been all week?"I asked.

"Working with my pack, if you see the headlines I know you've seen the meetings" he said, rubbing down my arm. His touch felt so amazing on my skin.

"I couldn't get a call at night or in the morning?" I dared to ask.

He sighed and I could see him rubbing his face.

"I'm sorry little mate, I'll put my number in your phone before I leave"

"Before you leave for another week?" I asked. I couldn't help how bitchy that sounded, I'm upset...

"Do you wanna come with me this time? I just didn't think you would want all of the pressure of being Luna so soon."

Realization hit me hard. I would be Luna over a whole pack. As in charge of hundreds if not thousands of wolves. Could I really be a good Luna when I can't even fully take care of myself mentally?

"How about I give you my number and you take some time to think about being Luna. Then you can call me whenever you're ready and I'll come and get you." He said, rubbing my back, soothing me.

"Okay...."

"Good, now I'm running you a bath. You find something to wear" he said, kissing me on the top of my head.

He left me standing there with too many thoughts to register.

How could I be a good Luna when I don't even remember to feed myself sometimes. Could I really be the mother to so many people?

"Are you ready for your bath?" He asked, from the bathroom.

"Coming" I said, walking towards his voice.

This truly was the nicest Hotel room ever. The tub was huge! The whole bathroom was filled with marble everything.

I smiled looking at the bath he made for me. He added flower petals and I could see a pink bath bomb at the bottom of the tub.

"Thank you" I said, taking my hair out of the sweaty pony. This is well needed!

"No problem, little mate," he said, leaning on the doorframe. Did he want to watch me get naked? Normally the thought would excite me, but I feel like I will smell worse as the clothes come off.

Swallowing, I decided to just get naked. I know from Zion that Alphas have a stronger smell than normal wolves. Meaning I smell a whole lost worst to him right now and he still wanted to get closer to me.

I started with my top, pulling it over my head and throwing it on the floor. I looked up at him for approval, which he gave with a primal low growl.

Feeling a little more confident I took my bottoms off, till I was just in my panties and bra.

I found him licking his lips at my body. He made me feel so pretty, even though I smelt like hot ass.

I bit my lip as I slowly removed my bra, revealing my small boobs. I could see his cock jerking in his nice jeans as he looked at me over. His body was visibly shaking as growls rolled out of his chest. He looked like he was fighting to control himself and it made me so horny to see that he wanted me this bad.

Lastly I pulled my panties down and kicked them to the side, standing completely bare to him. No makeup or clothes. I was completely vulnerable as I looked at him, seeking his approval.

"God you're beautiful"