Please Remember Me

Chapter Eight

They had just got the news that if Jay's heart were to stop again. That he would not be resuscitated.

Which hit everyone hard. But they understood, more or less. Dr Reese hadn't finished explaining so she continued on.
"We do have some really good news though. His heart now seems to be stable, I'll get Dr Rhodes and Dr Bekker down here to explain in further detail. But he is looking good. His heart only stopped because he lost so much blood and his body went into shock. We are hopeful that he will recover. The DNR was just a preemptive measure. I'm sorry I worried you all. I just needed to present you with all the facts. You can see him now too. Three at a time. And I'll page the other doctors to come down and explain it to you" Dr Reese said before she received many hugs and thank yous from the Intelligence unit.

"Can I see him first? Please?" Erin asked softly. Voight nodded, Erin grabbed Kim and Haileys hands before going to sit next to Jay and taking her hand in his. She felt the tears roll down her cheeks but Kim and Hailey put their hands on top of hers. As a sign of friendship.

It's family, she thought to herself. The only family she ever wanted.

Erin dropped her head to Jay's bedside before she got up and let everyone else have a visit. Kim and Hailey left to the district to announce that Jay would be okay and the rest of the unit along with Sergeant Platt visited him for a while.

Erin felt sick. She walked back over to the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. Jay would be okay. She said to herself. But what if he isn't? What if his heart stops again and then they'd just let him die. He couldn't die. Not like this.

Erin sprayed her face with cold water again before going back to Jay's room. No one was there which she was happy about. She closed the door softly behind her and sat at his bedside before Dr Rhodes and Dr Bekker knocked on the door and let themselves in.

"Detective Lindsay" both doctors shook her hand. Oh god. I must look like crap. She thought as she nervously shifted closer to Jay.
"Dr Rhodes, Dr Bekker. Is Jay going to be okay?" She asked. Nervous.
"He's stable for now. And he looks good. But there is going to be a very long road to recovery. His heart looks good. None of the arteries or main veins that supply blood to the body were affected in any way with the accident. He did have a tracker watch that tracked his heartbeat. It showed that his heartbeat spiked right before the accident. Now that could've been caused by a lot of things, not enough sugar, funny breathing patterns or stress. But luckily his heart rhythm seems stable now and he should wake up in the next day or two" Dr Bekker said before giving Erin a rub on the shoulder and heading out the door.

"You and Jay saved my ass a few years back remember that?" Connor asked Erin, who responded with a smile and a laugh. She did.

"I was drunk driving home from Molly's. It was a stupid idea I don't even know why I decided to drive. You said I was swerving so bad I could've been in a video game" Dr Rhodes said with a laugh and Erin's smile spread across her face accompanied with a soft giggle.

"You were swerving so hard!" She managed to squeak out in between laughs.

"Jay let me off because I operated on his dad and you were so angry about it too! I remember the look of pure rage on your face. Priceless!" Connor said with a cackle before giving Erin a playful punch on the shoulder. They continued to laugh a bit before he headed out to see his other patients. Leaving Erin alone in Jay's room. She took his hand and started rubbing her thumb right where she used to.

"Jay I don't know if you can hear me right now. I don't know if I want you to hear this but, I stayed because of you. When I said that I meant every word of it. I only wanted to stay because I miss you. All those months I spent trying to forget Nadia ended up being a spiral of trying to forget the whole district. I was convinced everything was tied to Nadia and how she was killed..." Her voice trailed off as she choked up talking about her late best friend.

"I blame myself every day for what happened to that poor girl. I still do. I still think that if I had just left her alone, she'd still be alive right now. And I tried my hardest to forget every moment I had with her. Which turned to me trying to forget everyone and everything that had contact with her. And I regret that Jay because I love you. So much. And every single day I thought about you and coming back because you're the only thing that I've ever been sure of in my entire life. And I know you were mad at me Jay and you had every right to. But it doesn't change the fact that I wanted to come back and fix everything. I'm just hoping you give me a chance again and let me try to be better. I want to be better. I want to be alive again. With you. I want this again, I want my old life back. I have so many regrets but my biggest one was letting you go. I just really hope you wake up soon Jay, I want to tell you how I feel..." Her voice was quiet and very soft. She had just poured her heart out to him secretly hoping he could hear her and secretly hoping that he couldn't.

Either way. Erin said what she needed to say. And with that in mind, she fell asleep in the chair. At peace with her words, she just hoped that he heard them. And that he was at peace with them too.