Please Remember Me

Chapter Forty Five

Jay paced outside the girls rooms before Will stepped out of Haileys room and told him that they could see her.

She was awake, but very weak and needed a big blood transfusion from all the blood loss.

Hadley went in first, she cried and Jay watched painfully as Hailey tried to keep it together. But the expression on her face was just pure guilt, you could see it in her eyes. Clear as day, the emotions that Hailey usually hid from everyone because she too was taught that emotions equal vulnerability.

Jay once again started to think, his mind was going a mile a minute and he couldn't seem to stop it.

The thoughts, the images, the memories.

They all made it impossible for Jay to catch a breath for one second. He thought about his time in Afghanistan, how much blood he'd seen. How many bodies he'd seen. The things he said and did to protect himself and his men, that's what kept him awake at night when he came back.

It wasn't the thought of all the things he did wrong, it was the thought of all the men that didn't make it back. Having to tell their families that their son, boyfriend, fiancé, husband or even father. Wasn't coming home. Ever.

Jay was still pacing back and forth, his mind still racing. All his memories with the two girls, the first time he'd met Hailey.

When they were partners because Erin disappeared. How much Hailey cared. She had the biggest heart he had ever seen, and he was just so confused as to why she did what she did. But then again he understood the thinking behind it.

What's the point of living if you can't have the one thing you want so badly?

He too was asking himself that question.

He then thought of all his memories with Erin, and Haddy.

Oh god Haddy.

He was going to have to tell his daughter, that her mother died because of something he did. Or rather didn't do. He made a promise to himself that he would keep Erin safe at all costs.

Now look at what happened.

The guilt sat in for Jay as he kept pacing back and forth, staring into the two rooms. There were so many memories of him and Erin.

The first time they'd been on a stakeout together, their first kiss outside the district when Jay finally admitted his true feelings for her. And his favorite memory of all, was him, Erin and for a little bit Nadia.

She had helped plan Erin's surprise birthday party, that night was one of the best nights of his life. Erin's smile was constant all evening, she never let the corners of her mouth fall.

She danced, chatted, ate cake and had the best time of her life.

Jay remembered because she told him so.

"Jay stop that wasn't funny" Erin whined as she referred to Jays joke about her tripping over at her birthday party and falling into the pool.

"Erin it was hilarious. I think someone even got it on video. Watch" he held his phone out and the video he planned to see wasn't the one that was on the screen.

The video was Jay and Erin, dancing together slowly and softly. Erin's head rested on Jays chest as they just moved slowly to the music.

Erin watched the video a little more before some photos popped up and ruined the sweet moment. But the photos were nothing to be mad at, as every single photo had a smile from Erin in it.

A genuine smile.

She looked like the fire in her eyes had finally died down and been replaced with, happiness. Plain and simple.

Erin scrolled through the pictures some more before she heard soft music and footsteps behind her.

She turned around to see Jay holding out a hand for her.

"May I have this dance?" he said as he bowed. Erin laughed and took his hand. Resting her head on his chest and looping her arms around his waist. Just like the video.

"You know I just had the best night of my life. So thank you" she said with a smile before he kissed her gently.

"Anything for you" he said as he returned her smile and she went back to resting her head on his chest.

Everything just felt right.

Like no one was going to ambush them, kidnap them, shoot them or torture them. It was crazy the thought of it but it could happen.

Except not now, because both their minds were in the most peaceful place they had ever been in a while. And their minds at peace with the soft sounds of the music and the love in that very moment.

Jay was sharply brought back to reality and cringed hard at the memory. Knowing he'd never get to experience it again. His heart fell a little before Hadley exited Haileys room and beckoned for him to go in.

He nodded and slid the door over. Hailey was lying on her side, back facing the door.

Just from looking at her he could tell she was sick. She was pale, and she just didn't look well. Jay knew Hailey had stuff going on but he never expected it to be this bad.

Jay grabbed a chair and sat down next to her before gently shaking her side, she flipped over and smiled.

"You want me here?" he asked sadly and she just nodded. They sat in silence for a while.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked cautiously after a couple minutes,

"I don't know. I really don't, because Jay. I'm going to miss her, more than you'll ever know. Erin was my best friend, I loved that girl so much. And now the thought of her not being here anymore" Haileys voice broke.

Tears started streaming down her cheeks and Jay stood up and stroked her head. Knowing exactly how she felt. Because he felt the same way too.

Loosing the one person that you thought you'd have forever is the toughest pill to swallow.

And as much as they all didn't want to, they had to. It's just the way of the world Jay kept repeating to himself.

Wondering why all this had happened.