Please Remember Me

Chapter Forty One

It was a rough night in the Halstead Lindsay household.

Haddy had just begun to settle in nicely until something had petrified her so much that she couldn't sleep.

Jay had been aloof for weeks and although he came home every night and talked to Haddy about her day.

Him and Erin's relationship was very strained, when they found Hadley Mae and took her back into their home. Jay was excited to be in this new chapter in his life.

His relationship with Erin was tense and almost more difficult to navigate, but they both came back to the same bed every night and went to sleep.

It wasn't until one night where Jay and Erin were woken by Haddys screaming again.

The screaming really brought out the worst in Erin, she hated screaming, yelling or anyone throwing anything around.

Hadley obviously couldn't understand that, she was only three. But it did add to Erin's list of worries that she was doing something wrong, every time she tried to talk to Jay about it he'd just tell her, "It'll be okay" before going back to doing whatever he was doing before that.

Erin longed for his usual comforting words and longed to just be able to get through to him. She owed him that much and she had to try.

Hadley was screaming until Jay and Erin ran into her room.

"Haddy it's okay" Jay said as he stroked her hair. Erin admired how gentle he was with her, after dropping a bombshell on him that he was a father to their daughter.

Erin was sure that Jay would dart, but that wasn't the kind of person he was. He was kind, selfless and most importantly compassionate. He understood why she didn't want to tell him but he didn't really forgive her for doing so.

Inside Jays mind so many things were running through it.

He was aware Erin was probably worried sick about him and she had every right to be. Jay just needed time, he had been thrown in the deep end with Haddy and although he loved his baby girl. It was times like these that made him think about his life and how it had ended up this way.

His mind trailing off to Erin and how badly he wanted to be open and honest with her but if she knew everything that was inside his mind right now.

She'd take off again for sure and Jay was sick of her running away when things got too tough.

Hadley Mae calmed down after a bit and asked to sleep in her parents bed. Usually they'd say no if it was a normal night, but her nightmares really shook her up so they agreed.

Haddy snuggled into Erin's neck, and Erin motioned for Jay to join them. He shuffled towards the bed before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

Erin was confused, what was going on? She turned on Haddys white noise machine before heading out to where Jay went. Turns out he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, body trembling and breath shaky.

"Jay?" Erin whispered softly, he turned around and quickly pulled himself together. Erin swiftly moved over to the couch and sat down next to him.

"Jay you don't have to be stoic for me. You know that" she said before grabbing his hand and intertwining his fingers with hers.

"I have to be stoic for her though" he said referring to their three year old daughter with recurring nightmares.

"Yeah well Haddys asleep, so talk to me. Please Jay, you've been shutting me out for weeks. What is killing you on the inside? I told you I'd be here for you whenever and I am keeping that promise but please I'm begging you just talk to me" Erin pleaded. Her voice half hitched in her throat and the other half trying to make herself seem serious.

Jay caught on, he squeezed her hand.

"I don't think I can do this" he said before getting up.

"Jay what?" Erin asked worriedly.

"Erin, you ran away. Had a kid. MY kid. And then kept her from me for two years. We catch you being addicted to heroin after two years of trying to track you down. Two years Erin. Two years!" Jays voice was raised slightly from a whisper.

"Jay please, I know I messed up. And I'm sorry" Erin began before she was cut off.

"Erin I know you're sorry. But sorry doesn't fix things, it doesn't fix things as big as this. I'm sorry. I just need some time" Jay said before getting up. Kissing her softly and grabbing his coat. He walked to the door and didn't look back.

Jay opened the door slowly, then walked out and shut it behind him. He didn't know where he wanted to go, but he knew somewhere he could go. So he left.

Erin was crying on the couch, her tears falling down her cheeks and her breathing erratic and heavy. Her heart ached, what had just happened?

The love of her life had just walked out the door leaving Erin with their daughter.

Needed time? He said before he left.

Erin understood that but couldn't he take time at home. She knew how selfish that sounded but Haddy needed both her parents.

Erin picked up her phone and called Jay thousands of times. Each time the call went to voicemail, her heart shattered over and over again whilst the tears kept coming until she just called the contact she knew she could count on.

Jay drove over to the big apartment building across town from his and Erin's apartment. He ran up the steps and knocked on the door. Jay knew that he could crash here with his friend.

Erin called the contact and waited for them to arrive. She heard a knock on the door and went to open it.

"Hailey" she exhaled sharply as she fell into her best friends arms crying.

Jay walked over to the door and knocked on it. It opened after a couple minutes.

"Hey man. I could use some help and maybe a beer" Jay said to his friend.

"Yeah sure thing" Adam said as Jay walked through into his living room. Jay knew he could count on Adam, but he didn't know if he could help.

Stuff like this was always complicated and he didn't want Haddy to face the repercussions as that would just break him even more.

He had to make things right but how...