Wildest Deams

Chapter One

"Baby girl, I know you're in there. Let me in, " Fin pleaded, outside of Olivia's apartment door.

"Please leave, Fin, I'm okay, " Olivia sighed, not moving from her spot on the couch.

"Get over here and open this door, Liv, or I'm breaking it down, " Fin stayed quiet waiting for Liv to answer, but she didn't. "I'm breaking down this door on three, Olivia, one. . .two. . .two-and-a-half --"

"Fine, " Olivia grumbled, taking the folders spread around her and shoving them under a stack of magazines on her coffee table before opening the door.

"Liv, " Fin sighed, seeing her tear-stained cheeks, "are you okay, baby girl?"

"No!" Olivia snapped louder than she'd meant to, "I'm not okay. My partner of twelve years just walked out on me, couldn't tell me himself he was leaving, then just disappeared from the face of the Earth during such a time in my life when I need him, " Olivia faltered, her voice squeaking and fresh tears starting down her cheeks.

"Liv?" Fin questioned, watching his co-worker turned family looking destroyed over the loss of her best friend.

"I drove by their house today to see if I could talk some sense into him, " Olivia sighed, "all I wanted to do was talk. I wanted to tell him it was okay, and then hit him for not telling me, but the house is packed up. Nothing is there, and there's already a sold sign at the end of the driveway. Fin, " Olivia whimpered, throwing her tired body into the couch, "he's gone."

Fin sighed, giving Olivia a tight-lip look of sympathy as he sat down beside her. He gathered her small frame into his arms and held her tightly as she let the tears freely fall. It was silent between the two of them for a while before Olivia pulled back and straightened herself.

"Kid, you don't need him, " Fin tried to offer some sort of comfort, but he knew he never was and never would be good at that stuff.

"Thanks, Fin, but I do - did need him. He was supposed to help me, he and Kathy were supposed to help me on my next journey. Now they're both gone, " Olivia sniffled.

"What do you mean, Liv?" Fin questioned with threaded eyebrows.

Olivia moved the magazines off of her folders on the coffee table and handed the stack to Fin.

"Work?" Fin questioned, "Liv, Captain's going to get you a new part-"

"They aren't files from work, Fin, open them."

Fin opened the top folder and found a piece of paper with a description of a male filled out. He surveyed the file closely before finding the donor ID number etched at the bottom of the page just above the name of the clinic it came from.

"You want to start a family?" Fin questioned dumbfounded that she was telling him.

Olivia bit the inside of her lip and nodded, "yeah."

"That's amazing, Liv, you're going to be a great mom. I know we don't talk about our lives that exist outside of work much, but I've seen the way you are with kids, you're going to do great."

"Thanks, Fin, but now I'm not so sure I should go through with it. Kathy and Elliot were supposed to step up and show me the ropes, be there when I had questions, help me figure this all out, and now I don't have anyone to have my back in this all."

"Liv, you have a whole department behind you. Captain, Munch, and I certainly have your back. I know the girls will have your back too, and I know none of us are majorly experienced at the kid thing, Lord knows I failed at raising Ken, but we've got you."

"You promise not to leave? Not that I'm trusting anyone's word anymore, but-"

"Baby girl, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon and neither is Cragen or Munch for that matter. We've got your back, and I'm sure the newbies will fall right into line. We're family and we've got each other's backs in that squad room, regardless, and I know Stabler just broke your heart in two, but I also know even if he's not physically here he loves you and has your back he just needs to come to his fucking senses and smarten up."

Olivia giggled lightly, her throat hoarse from all the tears shed in the last few hours since Cragen broke the news.

"Thanks, Fin, " Olivia sighed, resting her head on her arm propped on the back of the couch.

"You're welcome, " Fin chuckled, working himself up to his next comment, "so who's got the strongest swimmers?"

Olivia laughed, her smile reaching her eyes as Fin laid the files in her lap. She dug through them before pulling two out from the stack.

"These two are my top contenders, " Olivia smirked.

"Okay, but are they even that good because your taste in men, no offense but it sucks."

"Hey!"

"Come on, baby girl, I've known you for eleven years? Reporters and sleazy guys are all I've ever seen you with and I heard a rumor that you were once with Cassidy, like yuck, what were you thinking?"

"Oh my God, that was so long ago before you were even on the squad, who even told you that?" Olivia questioned, knowing exactly who'd told him.

"Munch, " Fin laughed, "you know his love for gossip."

"That old man, I'm going to cut off his nuts."

"Oh, uh his third wife beat you to that one, " Fin chuckled, opening the first folder.

He scanned it over before chuckling.

"What?" Olivia questioned, wondering if she'd missed something important in the file.

"No, just no. Absolutely not, " Fin chuckled, closing the file.

"The last time I checked I'm the one with the uterus, plus what's wrong with him?" Olivia questioned looking over the file reading every line closely.

"Olivia, " Fin smirked, "it sounds like the perfect description of Trevor Langan."

"Fin, you can't just associate my contenders with people we know that you don't like, " Olivia sighed, "ugh!"

"I'm so right, I guarantee that's young Langan sperm, " Fin laughed, looking over the next file.

"You suck, did you know that?"

"No, I didn't, " Fin smiled, "this next guy doesn't look too bad though. Cuban-Italian and born in Miami, Florida; six-foot; fluent in Spanish and English; and a former military man."

"You like that one? Does it make you think of anyone you don't like?"

"No, it doesn't, " Fin chuckled, "too bad you can't meet this one in person, huh?"

"Fin, " Olivia laughed, "I mean I wouldn't be opposed, but it's easier to just do this on my own."

"I get that, baby girl, you want all the baby snuggles all to yourself."

"Something like that, " Olivia yawned, "it's getting late, you should leave so I can go to sleep."

"You got it, baby girl, but are you sure you're going to be okay?" Fin questioned, making his way to the door.

Olivia nodded as another noisy yawn escaped her lips, "I'll be okay, I promise."

"Okay, and if you need anything you'll call?"

"I will, I promise. I will see you tomorrow, Fin."

"See you tomorrow, kid, have a good night, okay?"

"I will, good night, Fin, " Olivia smiled, shutting and locking her apartment door behind her co-worker.

Olivia padded through her apartment, first picking up her mess of files and placing them neatly next to the magazines she'd never read. She rinsed out her wine glass and put away the bottle before shutting off the kitchen lights. She made her way down the hall and got ready for bed before laying down.

She couldn't turn off her brain to sleep though, her hands absentmindedly ran over her flat and empty belly. She'd wanted this for so long, wanted a baby that was her own. One she wouldn't have to get back, one she could teach and nurse and cuddle, she'd wanted to be better than her mother and she was bound and determined to do it.

Knowing sleep wasn't coming anytime soon Olivia rolled over and opened up her phone. She researched and looked at car seats. She thumbed through shops of baby clothes, little pink tutus, and blue knit caps. She eventually dozed off and found herself dreaming of her little one.