Favorite Mistake

FM 21

"I miss you so much baby Mosh. Don't cry baby, Ate loves you very much, she just can't come home.."

I could hear Den talking to someone as I opened the door. Approaching her, I saw her lying on the bed, on video chat with her siblings, crying her heart out. I saw how much pain was in her eyes as she tried to be strong, but ultimately failing.

"Jus, are you studying well? Is everything ok in school?"

I could see that Jus was also crying as she hugged Mosh who has seating on her lap. "I'm ok ate, although we really miss you"

"I'm just really busy with school and stuff right now"

"Does this have anything to do with Ate Ly?"

"No Jus.. It's not.."

"You think we're too young, that we won't understand, but we do. We may not fully grasp it, but we know it's breaking our family.."

"I'm sorry Jus.." Den was full on crying now, and it pained me to see her this broken

"I can talk to mom, I can..."

"No, you will not be involved in this. This is my problem, my fight"

"I just want you to come home"

"Justine? Mosh?!" Jus looked behind her as she heard their names being called.

"Ate, we have to go, mom's home"

"I love you so much Jus and Mosh. I'll find a way to see you soon.. Be good.." Except she wasn't able to finish her message as she saw Jus immediately go offline.

She closed her laptop as she curled in a fetal position and just surrendered to her tears.

I sat laid down beside her as I immediately hugged her. I know I can't do anything to ease her pain

"I'm sorry Den. I'm sorry that loving me has to be this difficult. If only I could let you go, I would, but I can't. I'm sorry for being selfish.."

And when words became too difficult, I just cried with her, kissing her in hopes that my love could heal her.

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"Good afternoon mam" I stood there in front of her for the first time in almost 3 years. Calm exterior but a typhoon of emotions inside of me, all jumbled thoughts in my head.

"Alyssa" she said, more of a question rather than as a greeting, "come in"

I really had no plans or strategy when I came here. Seeing how broken Denise has been in being away from her family, I knew I had to at least do something for her. Which is why I am here at their house, armed with absolutely nothing.

I'm sat on the chair across from her and I could feel beads of sweat on my back.

"I'm sorry for coming here without notice. I just... Ahmm.." I'm threatening to break under the scrutiny of her gaze but I muster my courage to go on.

"Mam, Dennise is hurting. She misses her family" there I said it straight out

"She knows what she needs to do to come home" she replied sternly. I now see where Den gets her strongwill and resolve, her mom is steely and cold.

"I'm sorry if you think our relationship is wrong, but I'm not sorry that I love your daughter. I think I have proven that to you in the 3 years that we have been together"

"Tell me Alyssa, do you think Den would still love you if you're the reason she won't reach her dreams?"

"I don't und..."

"Let me put this bluntly. If I cut her off totally, she wouldn't be able to go to med school. She wouldn't achieve her lifelong dream to be a doctor. And when she's old and graying, who do you think she would blame?"

"You're a smart kid Alyssa. You think I am just doing this because I am getting a kick out of the suffering of my daughter? I am not crazy. I am just doing what I think is best for her. I know Dennise, she can be stubborn, so this is the only way I know how. Tough love"

I bite my lips as I stare at my feet. I try to think for a comeback, but I come up with nothing. I felt like a fish out of water, grasping for air, barely surviving.

"Think about this, the more you fight, the more I will make it harder for her, until she would be the one begging to come home."

"Please don't do that mam"

"Then let her go. Do the right thing"

I stood up from my chair as calmly as I could pretend.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I won't" I said defiantly

Coming here was a mistake, I think I just made it worse for Dennise. What else can her mom do? How much harder can it get?

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The answer came the next week when I found out that her mom cut-off her allowance. Between her not being allowed to come home and now being deprived of her allowance, I knew it was getting difficult for Den.

But the strong person I love refused to show any signs of giving up. She put up a strong front, and although I knew she was in pain, she never waivered in loving me.

And this latest penalty is my fault. For standing up against her mom, and yet coming up empty handed.

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"I don't want to hurt you anymore" I cried as I hugged her

"Please don't ever let me go Ly. That's all I have left"