Favorite Mistake

Part 37

I'm standing here, a place I thought I'd never go back to.

Has it been almost a decade since I've last been here? A young girl valiantly putting up a fight against the woman who stood strong blocking my own version of my happy ever after with Dennise. And we all know how that ended.

I took in a deep breath as I felt a chill, although the weather is perfectly warm. Crossing my arms against my chest, I heaved, willing myself to push that buzzer which I've been staring at for the past 10 or so minutes.

Oh the irony of things. That day, almost 10 years ago, I came up here declaring that I'll never let Dennise go. And now, I'm here begging her to come back because I did let her go.. In the most painful way, with a big fat slap of reality om the face.

Who was I kidding? Choosing Alfred over her was choosing normalcy...mediocrity...safety.

Safe is good, right? My mind argued, and I had to snicker.

Being safe is good in other things. There are people who are to careful that they protect themselves in vacuum, too afraid to get hurt, but end up isolating themselves from the opportunity to experience the freedom to live.. And to love. While there are those who love with reckless abandon.. they may end up with bruises.. But they may also end up with their one true love.

Love is not solely about making choices.. It is also about taking risks to fight for those choices.

Biting my lips, I return my attention to this buzzer, which had stood taunting me for the past minutes like a great foe.

What are you staring at huh?! And I snort at this crazy conversation I am having with this buzzer.

"Coward!" I imagine it talking back to me

"Why don't you just press yourself and get this over and done with?"

"Why don't you just get over your fears and do what you need to do."

"Why am I here again in the first place?"

"You'll ask her back?"

"Oh yeah..."

"Coward"

"Who you calling a coward?"

"The one who's been staring at me for the past, I don't know, 20 minutes?" And the voice seems to laugh at me

"You know what? I don't have to do this. I can just walk away and accept that everything is over between the two of us."

"Coward"

"Shut up!!!"

"Ok, then. Just walk away now. Are you happy?"

"NO"

"Why?"

"Because I love her. I need her. I'd die without her."

"Alyssa?"

She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard her name

"Tito Mike..."

"What are you doing here?"

"May I please speak with Dennise sir?"

"She's not here... She left."

By the tension in his face, I knew that he knows that I hurt his daughter.

"... Congratulations on your engagement, by the way."

"Mike, who's at the gate? The guards called... Oh, Alyssa"

We both looked simlutaneousky behind him as we saw Arlene approach us.

"Good morning mam" I silently said.

There it is again, the feeling of being small and insignificant in front of her. For a moment, I am back to that teenager standing before her... afraid, insecure, worthless.

Not this time, my mind told me. This might be your last chance.

"May I come in, sir.. Mam? I promise I won't be long."

We walked towards the garden and sat there in silence. I knew they were waiting for me to speak up, as I literally felt myself sweating bullets, not knowing were to start.

"I love your daughter. I know that you're disappointed with the fact that she will not have a normal family. But, what's normal if you're not happy right? If there's no love?"

"You can tell that to yourself Alyssa, since you're the one who's getting married soon" he bit out at me and I could feel his seeting anger.

"I broke it off sir... I want to be with Dennise"

"So, it's that easy for you? You change your decision with the drop of a hat? Do you know how broken Dennise was the past days?"

"I know I made a mistake sir.."

"A mistake?? You don't know how much you hurt her"

"And I am willing to ask for her forgiveness 10,000 times if I have to. I will correct my mistake.."

"NO. This is not a game Alyssa. How sure am I that this is your final answer? That you won't change your mind again? That this time, you won't hurt my daughter?"

"Because I am still in love with her in much the same way as that 14 year old girl who begged for your approval to let her love your daughter. Because 12 years after, I am still here.. Waiting to finally have the right love at the right time. Because just as that naive child before, I still believe that I will have my happily ever after with her."

I couldn't stop my tears anymore. He just stared at me and I could see the anger in his eyes. We were in a virtual staredown, and I knew I was losing. Because to him, I broke his little girl's heart.

"Too late Alyssa, she already left" he sternly said.

And I brokedown in tears as I placed my head in my hands. Game over Alyssa. You 2 have chased each other around and around in circles, someone was bound to give up.

"Mike, can you leave the 2 of us for a moment please?"

I whipped my head up as Arlene spoke. Okay, here goes, I thought. Just like in a mortal combat, she's going to give the finishing blow.

"Ija..."

"Mam, if you're going to tell me to give up on her, then you're wasting your time. Maybe, I'll accept that we can't be together, but that doesn't mean I'll stop loving her" I tried to speak in between my sobs. I am so losing this battle, and having a disgraceful exit at that.

"Remember what I told you about the poisonous flower when Dennise was young?"

"Yes?.." I was surprised by the question

"You are her flower Alyssa. She held on to you even if it pained her, because she chose you and she wasn't going to let go."

"Are you telling me to let her go because loving me hurts her?"

"No, I am telling you to find her cure."

I scrunched my forehead in confusion. Talking to her always make me feel like we're talking in riddles. After a few minutes of silence, she spoke again

"How old you are Alyssa?"

"27"

"Right, and our Dennise is 28. I think by now, you're both old enough to figure things out on your own"

And I break down in tears again, with the realization that I have lost her with the stupid choices that I made. She ran away, thinking that I have chosen to marry Alfred than to fight for her.

"But I already lost her.. She left"

"Only you would know if this is still worth fighting for."