Favorite Mistake

FM 36

"Pots, she left! Just when I was free to be with her" Ly cried while lying down on Ella's consultation couch. She has been wailing for the last hour and Ella was getting frustrated with her.

"Well Ly, let's break this one down shall we? Den hurt you 3 years ago when she left you. But then she told you that she had clearly valid reasons for doing so. Correct?"

Ly nodded her head as she grabbed a pillow to hug and silence her cries.

"And then she comes back, telling you that she still loves you and begs for you to take her back. Tells you that she will correct every mistake she did in the past. Correct?"

"yes" Ly whispered in between her sobs.

"Correct. So your one great love comes back in your life and what do you do?"

"I push her way because I'm scared to get hurt again."

"Right... So, in your attempt to protect yourself..."

"I said Yes to Alfed" and she wailed again, clutching the pillow like a teddy bear.

"There you go! Sometimes I wonder if you are really a psychologist when you couldn't figure that one on your own!" Ella shook her head in frustration, but had to dodge when Ly threw the pillow at her.

"Pots, not helping!!!" She stomped her feet on the couch.

"What do you want me to do Ly? I can't bring her back"

"She.. She left.. Because she thought I have finally closed the door on us. When the truth was I was just confused. And maybe there's a small part of me that was hoping that she'll tell me I made a mistake and ask me to choose her."

"Seriously Ly?! Haven't you noticed all her efforts for the last 6 months? How she's been showing you how much she loves you? But apparently, you were blind to her efforts. You were so caught up with the fear of loving her that you chose to run away with Alfred."

"I wanted her to fight for me!"

"And she did! Every single day that she had to stand there and watch you be with Alfred while she was secretly dying inside. She stayed even as you pushed her away because she couldn't stand being away from you."

"Why are you only telling me this now?"

"Because you had to figure this out on your own Ly."

"I need her back Ella..."

"Then maybe it's your turn. Win her back Ly"

-------

I stepped out into the balcony and felt the breeze of the ocean on my face.

Jus was right, having a change of scenery can help me escape from my troubles. Well, that is until I start thinking of her again and I feel my heart breaking all over again.

"Ate, we've been here for 2 weeks. When are you planning to go back?" Jus asked as she took a seat beside me.

"You can go ahead Jus, I think I might stay here for a while."

"Until?"

"Until I have gotten over her"

"Then you might be here forever"

I slapped her shoulders as we laughed

"It's nice to see you smiling again Ate"

I settle again in silence. I know I can't hide here forever, in the same manner that I can't hold on to our lost love forever. Someday, I would have to slowly start moving on and accept the fact that we could never be together in the end.

I wiped a tear that involuntarily fell from my eyes.

"You're crying again.."

"I'll stop.. Soon" I smiled bitterly.

"Why couldn't you just give it one more try? Especially now that you already have mom's blessing"

"I don't want to bother her anymore. She's already starting her happily ever after.. Too bad it's not with me though" I stared out into the horizon as I try to stop my tears.

"While we trully loved each other, unfortunately, I guess, this is where the train ends."

"And you'll just accept that? That everything you've gone through and fought for in the past was all for nothing?"

"It wasn't for nothing Jus. I loved her and she loved me, and the memories we have will last me for a lifetime. While we may not have ended up together, at least I felt how it was to be loved."

"You really love her don't you?"

"So much" I replied as my lips quivered with the tears I was hiding. I pulled up my knees towards my chest as I hugged it, cradling myself.

Jus' phone rang "Patricia Co calling"

"Ate, it's your manager calling"

"Please take her message, I don't feel like talking right now"

Jus stepped out to take the call. I sat there at the balcony, listening to the waves, wishing for it to take my pain away.

"Ok, I'll tell her. Bye!" Jus walked back unto the balcony

"You need to go back to Manila on Saturday, you have a commitment with solar sports"

"What? I don't feel like going"

"She knew you'd say that, but aparently the contract has already been signed and you can't back out anymore"

I rolled my eyes in frustration. "What is it about?"

"It's about volleyball legends and stuff. You just need to show up"

I cross my arms over my chest as I slumped on my seat. Saturday, I still have 3 more days before I go back to Manila; before I go back to the reality of my life without her.