It wasn't your fault
I was in so much pain.
Sometimes my own head
works against me.
This was no different,
Than what I withheld from you
At many given times and on any given day.
And I had to comb through
The intrusive thoughts
like mats in my hair.
Starting from the ends
and working my way to the root,
Untangling every lie I ever told myself
And the hostility of my own experienced brute.
And when I was finished,
my hair fell all around.
Each strand blew with
every shift of the wind,
Danced in my face,
Tickled my nose,
And wrapped 'round my tongue,
Taunting me to swallow them down.
So I collected them all
and tied them up in a bun,
so they could heal and rest
while the rest of me runs.
And eventually, as I felt better,
I let them down again in layers.
And I had beautiful long waves,
Ready to entice the next of life's players.
And sometimes the mats return,
when I don't take care of myself
for days or for weeks.
And again, I brush them out,
and tie them up, tightly bound,
until I can let them loose again.
I don't force them into curls
or burn them into straighter paths anymore.
I don't style them in any trendy manner,
I just let them be as they are,
as they feel with their scars.
Sometimes I do color them,
so that they shine in different hues
And take on different shades,
but they remain the same
beneath disguised views.
They prefer freedom.
Freedom to flow and wave,
Freedom to laugh and play,
Freedom to live long and damaged,
Freedom to mat up again just the same.
11/4/21
YOU ARE READING
ADHD Dribblings: Poems & Thoughts From A Mind Lost In Motion
PoetryA collection of poems dealing with love, loss, PTSD, disability, ADHD, addiction, depression, suicide ideation, eating disorders, women's rights, processing abuse & trauma, etc. Some are just making intrusive thoughts rhyme, some are just thinking...
