I crave you in every breath
That I have in between,
And I hate that my want for you
Is coupled with such a need.
It's silly.
It's stupid.
You were barely in my life
In the grand scheme of it all,
But still...this inner strife.
You made an impact.
Now, I just want my throat back,
My brain stem,
All my thoughts intact.
I don't fucking need you,
But you were injected in my veins;
And now I can't shake
the thought of you from my brain.
This has happened before—
It happens every time—
That's why I take care with the dose,
Right place, right time.
But not right enough this time.
No logic can reverse it.
No amount of love can lift the curse,
No matter how I try to send it,
Release, undo, or let go of it.
The only ease will be...time.
Eventually, maybe.
A few years, likely.
This is why I don't do this,
Or take this game lightly.
A moment will stain my heart,
While yours beats on fine,
Ticking with someone else's.
Never mine.
And I try to solve it.
Reflect, to resolve it;
But I'm just built this way.
Maybe through cracked bricks
That someone else laid.
And I try, and I try,
Rip the thoughts from my mind.
Pull them from my throat,
My mouth,
Discard them to the side.
Fall asleep,
Part with needs,
Force myself not to feed.
And sure enough,
When I wake,
There you are...
Between every breath that I take.
1/23/22
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ADHD Dribblings: Poems & Thoughts From A Mind Lost In Motion
PoetryA collection of poems dealing with love, loss, PTSD, disability, ADHD, addiction, depression, suicide ideation, eating disorders, women's rights, processing abuse & trauma, etc. Some are just making intrusive thoughts rhyme, some are just thinking...
