I didn't quite matter enough
for you to love,
But I mattered enough
for you to run.
So better reasons I gave you,
Blew flight through the wings
that made you.
I spent my time convincing myself
How little I meant to any of you,
Programming myself to accept
what little me's I left in you.
To breathe free-er,
Or need easier,
And release the meteor
That broke through each layer.
Just to find out...
I was enough to create unease
In her, and you, and him.
Not me.
To steer clear.
To keep our beds ever separate,
More than they ever were before.
The way that you kept them.
Out of what?
Fear?
I'll steal you away?
After how many years?
Lost to the nights
You took from me, however briefly.
I can't even remember,
Those nights I can mostly unsee.
But I guess the fear
you hold onto
Is me.
I'm sorry,
But not.
We're nothing,
We weren't,
And we aren't.
You said so.
I learned so.
Lo, I am so.
Now we're so low.
While I settle into confusion
Of how I possibly meant anything,
At all of my letting go by nightfall,
You'll make costly decisions,
And live out your days
As if mine was a worthy exchange at all.
And while I feel nothing,
Moved on,
I guess, it just so happens,
You've merely moved along.
But as the dust of your finely fragmented filament settles around me,
I refrain from touching your hand,
for better grounding.
For finally,
I don't care.
No foundation,
No frame,
Nor forest left bare.
What we are, were, and aren't
Is no longer
And never will be, is, or was
my responsibility.
So whatever makes you happy,
Whatever spot you hold bare,
Whatever it is I've left you,
Take your love and leave it there.
1/19/22
YOU ARE READING
ADHD Dribblings: Poems & Thoughts From A Mind Lost In Motion
PoetryA collection of poems dealing with love, loss, PTSD, disability, ADHD, addiction, depression, suicide ideation, eating disorders, women's rights, processing abuse & trauma, etc. Some are just making intrusive thoughts rhyme, some are just thinking...
