ADHD Dribblings: Poems & Thoughts From A Mind Lost In Motion

Just Another Contact

Over 300 men
Sit in my phone.
Every one of them wants me,
Until they don't.

They'll have their reasons,
This one or that.
And I don't care to give them
that power back.

They want things too quickly,
Or at best way too slow.
They can't face their own damage,
Or think mine's overblown.

And I never cared
About their names before
Except for the few
Who made it through my closed doors.

But before I knew it,
They slammed them back shut,
With love and acceptance
That I was never their one.

They wanted time.
They want someone else.
Though parts of them loved me,
They let go just as well.

And now my attraction
Brings more of them nightly,
And I can not handle being
In anyone's sights, see?

I feel empty and weep
On each given night,
As these hairy hoards crave me
And seek my replies.

I don't have the energy
To give them what's mine,
Or look for returns
In their hurting eyes.

And once most recent
I could finally make contact,
It's gone just the same
With haste and eyes cut down.

And I can't quite configure
How to heal this great wound.
If I should love,
And be let go too soon.

I can't stand their touch,
And cling to those who might know me,
Without much explaining,
Without wanting to hold me,
Without wanting more
Than what dances more closely.

I feel a bit safer
in the arms of the spoken.
Who don't want me for themselves,
And support all my choices.

Who don't think they're mine,
Or I'll ever be theirs.
Who don't beg for replies,
Or adoration in stares.

They've seen me before,
And they'll see me again.
And their hands slip away,
Just as soon as I land.

And so starts the time,
The fallback I feared,
To fall into their arms,
Be everyone's dear.

To cry in the arms
Of those who won't own me
As my council's reprise
Brings hollowing lonely.

I'm no longer able,
And no longer stable.
And I'll lean into the lies
Of this love without label.

11/21/21