ADHD Dribblings: Poems & Thoughts From A Mind Lost In Motion

Sœur Dreams

For just a moment,
I was permitted to dream
Twice in one day!
How gracious, it seems.

The drugs left my system
For a day of rest,
As my body relaxed,
In soreness, no less.

The same pills you take
In heavier doses,
Combined with the others
To bring your mind back to balance.

And so of you, I dreamed,
My waking other me.
But these dreams were quite harrowing,
These visions I'd bear to unsee.

First sight: Of your violence,
As I tried to calm you.
Your unbridled anger
At those longing to love you.

Bitter thoughts with the new
Grew same as the last,
Through little frustrations
Unclean, unorganized, unpacked.

You screamed ever louder,
So I yelled at you back.
In hopes that your love,
This time, stay intact.

You knew not of your luck,
Of your men and their love.
And how they claw to remain,
While mine are quick to move on.

But negativity consumed you,
Your understanding only your own.
And never the feelings
Of those trapped in your storms.

So we howled and we howled,
Like winds not to listen.
Failed heedings and all,
Until your voice fell to calm
To maybe let bliss in.

In your blasts,
You brought curses.
How you wished for my death.
Like someone once before...
How much hurt felt to listen.

I woke with a start.
Just dreams, how they are.
How I still feared for safety
How I'm scarred from your maw.

Then, later, I slept.
In need of more rest.
This time, you were damaged
You said cardiac arrest.

You knew the signs
As your thumb was severed and tossed.
Lost limbs, not the problem,
As your heart grew more lost.

You began to turn blue,
And I screamed out for action.
For someone with knowledge
Of rhythmic compressions.

From your maw, turned to mine,
And Ma slinked into action,
Slowly, as I paniced,
Unable to dial 3 simple digits.

And when it rang,
It was held,
Went straight to voice-mail.
Your last words of a contact
To best handle your ails.

But I couldn't remember,
And your love couldn't find it,
And we remained on hold,
As we swiftly redialed it.

The silence around us
grew evermore,
So I turned to check in,
Mother failing once more.

So I pushed her aside,
Despite my not knowing,
And pressed into you songs,
On novels unknowing.

And with a sharp gasp,
You came back in a snap.
Only two beats I gave you
To bring your heart back.

I removed the book,
Unsure of its uses.
Why it was between
your heart and my palms,
When words here seemed useless.

I asked you, again,
What I should do,
How to keep you alive,
Before, again, you turn blue.

But you couldn't speak,
Barely a reply.
But you knew where to go,
And, again, we complied.

We gathered lost limbs,
And carried you straight to the car.
Sped off to the hospital,
Until my dream then trailed off.

And so I am left,
Sorting through unmeanings,
And sifting through memories,
And organizing its feelings.

That while you do scare me,
I fight for you just the same.
In hopes that my words,
Might mean something one day.

01/31/22