The bass of you

Chapter 47

As I open the door to Chase's room, there's silence. The TV isn't on, the main light isn't even on, and there's no noise in here at all. It's like he never even came in here, but I have to check. My stomach is tingling with nerves as I turn the light switch on, I have an uneasy feeling, a bad one. I'm expecting something bad to happen, but I'm not sure what. Something just doesn't feel right.

The bathroom door is closed...again...shocker. Putting my hand on the handle and pushing it down, I take a deep breath in, hold it, then open the door. The light is on so that's a sign of Chase's presence. Opening the door wider, I look to the floor straight away, because that's Chase's favourite spot.

Shakily I breathe out that deep breath I had been holding in. I'm unsure of what I'm seeing, but whatever it is it doesn't look good. Chase has his eyes closed, his body leaning to the side limply, his arms resting beside him. And there's a needle still in his arm. When I thud my bottle down on the countertop to test how conscious he is, he doesn't flinch. Kicking him gently in the calf, I watch his eyes for any sign of movement, but he doesn't even open his eyes. Now I'm getting worried.

Kneeling down in front of him, I grab his shoulder tightly and shake it. "Chase."

He doesn't flinch.

"Chase."

Nothing happens.

"Chase!"

I shake him violently but nothing is happening.

Oh God, no. God, no.

Placing two fingers on his neck, I try to feel for a pulse, but I can't feel anything. Fearing I may have put my fingers in the wrong place, I try again on his wrist. Staying silent with two fingers on his wrist feeling for a pulse, I watch for any movement. Putting my hand in front of his nose and mouth, I wait for breath to be felt against my skin.

There's no pulse.

There's no breath.

Chase is dead.

With my eyes tearing up, I try to think of the best thing to do. Cold water. Cold water is what I've heard. I'm not strong, I'm also drunk, but I'm determined to get him in the bathtub. Putting one foot in the bathtub, I stumble in there and grab Chase's shoulders. Digging my nails into his flesh and grabbing his shoulders as hard as possible, I pull him with all my strength into the bathtub. His heavy, limp body hits my feet, crushes them, but I don't care.

My heart is pounding against my chest. Chase can't be dead, he can't die, I won't allow it. I've never encountered someone who has just died before, never tried to bring them back, or perform CPR, or anything at all. I'm so scared, I'm shaking. All I can think about is how much Chase doesn't deserve to die, how much he'll get a chance to get clean and live a long happy life. This boy can't die on me.

No.

Chase's face is turning purple, I'm panicking. My arms shaking, I reach out, turn on the shower, and turn the temperature as cold as possible. Bending down, I let the water hit him and start doing chest compressions. I'm really regretting not taking any CPR courses now, because I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't even know if I'm doing it right. God, I'm panicking so much. I'm so afraid of Chase dying for good that I can't think properly.

"Help!" I shout as loud as I can while doing compressions. Looking up, I see nothing but the silent bedroom, and no sign of anybody there. My worry growing, I resort to screaming, "heeeeeelp!"

Come on, Chase. Please, don't go. Don't die. Come back, I beg you, come back!

Still doing chest compressions, tear after tear splattering on Chase's body, I see movement in the corner of my eye. Looking up, full of hope, I see a housekeeping maid. Through the blur of my tears I see the maid standing there, clearly unsure of what the hell I'm doing in the bathtub with the water running and a distressed face. From where she's standing, she can't see Chase in my arms. She can't see the dead body I'm trying bring back to life.