The bass of you

Chapter 53

The next morning, I groan as I sit up in bed. Today is the day I'm leaving. As much as I'd love to stay, this stuff doesn't fit into the stuff I'm going to deal with in my life. I'm just so disappointed by Chase. He has everything going for him with his life, his friends, his career. But he's messing it all up. He needs help, and he needs it soon. I don't understand how he can reject any help from everyone that cares about him, to help destroy the thing that's destroying him. But I can't be the one to convince him. I don't mean anything to him, nothing at all. There's nothing I can do or say to Chase to make him think that he should seek the help he needs. I'm not an influence, or an inspiration - as Jace thinks I am.

After having a shower, I come out of the bathroom to see Layla already in here, packing all her clothes back into her suitcase neatly. She looks bummed about having to leave, but not annoyed or upset with me in any way - thankfully. Layla is good like that, she understands me when I'm upset. She knows not to push the limit with me. I couldn't ask for a better best friend.

Quickly getting dressed in a white t-shirt and a pair of ripped dark-blue jeans, I pull on my converses and shut my suitcase. I've already packed my suitcase and put my shoes into the bag. It feels weird to be leaving. I've been feeling like I belong here with these guys, doing what we've doing, like I've known them all my life. I don't want to leave but I can't be here either. I'm doing what's best for me and Layla. This life isn't for us, but I hope Chase gets all the help that he needs.

Picking up my suitcase and my bag of boots, I'm about to leave when Layla suddenly pulls me back. Looking behind me at Layla, she frowns and then opens her hand - my bandana. I almost forgot it. That would have been even more traumatising for me : leaving behind the only thing that is my proof of this being real. Layla ties it around my head for me and I already feel better. This bandana is my reminder of how good things were here, until the rock 'n' roll life of drugs got too far and kicked me in the heart.

Going out into the corridor, the boys are already out here waiting for us. It's emotional. They're usually still sleeping at this time, but they're up to see us off. They all look so tired, I'm not sure if they've had any sleep at all. But there's one person I want to see before I go, even if he doesn't want to see me.

Entering Chase's room is like entering a black mist of doom. It's so dark in here. The lights are off, the curtains are closed, it's really shady in here. There's no noise. Making my way into the room, I see Chase lying on the bed, arms behind his head, blankets pulled up right up to his neck. He's drenched in sweat, I can see that from here. He looks like death itself.

Chase looks at me as I stand by the foot of his bed, not saying anything. He doesn't blink, he doesn't making any sort of expression, he doesn't move at all. It's like he doesn't even recognise me - or I'm just not important enough to get a reaction. Around his eyes is red, his skin is pasty, his light-brown hair is no longer light-brown as it's drenched in sweat and darkened immensely. I can see enormous sweat patches on the pillow behind him. Now I'm noticing the smashed glass bottles on the carpet by the bed too. There's stains on the white walls from where the bottles have smashed against them.

"I'm going home," I announce with a numb expression. Chase just stares. "I'll probably never see you again. But I just wanted to say that you're a great guy, I appreciate everything that you've done for me and shown me. You don't want to hear this but...I hope you get help for your drug problem soon."

"Good. I'm glad you're going home," Chase croaks weakly, licking his obviously dry lips and smacking them together. "Just go." He suddenly lunges forward and looks at the table by the window. His eyes are wide, he looks like he's seen a ghost. "Leave me alone!"

Huh? Who the hell is he talking to? Is he talking to me? 

"Fuck off you slithery purple motherfucker!"

What the fuck is he talking about?

Chase isn't even looking at me, he's glaring at the table and shooing away something that I obviously can't see. He's hallucinating or something. Slithery purple motherfucker? What the actual...?  He seems to be fixated on whatever he can see by the table and is now ignoring my presence. 

"Yeah..." I breathe and turn my torso slightly. Looking back at him one last time, putting on a great smile and hiding my heartbreak at the mean words he's thrown at me, I straighten up my back and step forward. He's still not looking at me, but oh well. "You once asked me if I would ever marry you and I told you no because I wouldn't marry someone I didn't trust. You deserve a nice relationship - the stable relationship you claim to be capable of. Well, I also wouldn't marry someone who is strung out and obviously not capable of a stable relationship at all. And if someone does marry you while you're on drugs, they're fucking stupid. Maybe we'll meet again someday, but I doubt it. Have a great life, Chase Ryder, you deserve it."

Heading out of the room, I hear nothing more from Chase, but I'm wishing that he'll call me back and tell me his goodbyes. But he doesn't. And I have to take that on the chin. I meant every word of what I said though. I hope it stays in that lost mind of his. I'm not sure if what I said was harsh - especially to a heroin addict - but it just came out. It probably won't even stick in his head that I said it, or anything at all, seeing as he didn't even seem to be acknowledging me. 

When I get outside the room, the security guy closes the door behind me and I face everyone with a sympathetic smile. These are our last moments with the band members of the infamous rock band, Black Dagger. But they're not just a band to us anymore. They're good people, they're good company, they're our friends. I'm so happy to have gotten to know them personally. Life would be much more boring if I hadn't. They've definitely changed my life and opened my eyes for the better.

After hugging with Jackson, Wolf, Jace, Ace, and Isaac, I've got tears in my eyes. But I'm fighting them back in fear of looking pathetic. Layla has already said her goodbyes to everyone, she even got asked by Jackson for her phone number which obviously she gave faster than I can blink.

Bill steps forward and clamps his big hand around my tiny shoulder. He looks down at me from his towering, intimidating height, but smiles gently. "You've done more for Chase than you or he knows. It's clear that you don't see that, but I hope you realise that without you, Chase wouldn't be here now." He gives me a lips-rolled-in smile. "My guys will get you down to your hotel where your car is, it's the least I can do."

"Thank you for everything you've done for us." I look around at everyone's faces. "You're all amazing and needless to say, I wish you the best with your music. Maybe now I'll actually listen to it, seeing as I now know who you are." Winking at them, giving a little humour in this miserable situation, I watch as they chuckle at what I said and it makes me feel warm inside.