The bass of you

Chapter 51

After five minutes of sitting in complete silence, the door to the lounge opens and Bill charges inside. He's red in the face, panting, fists clenched by his sides, his eyes are fiery with rage. He just stares at everyone for a moment, letting the rage build up inside of him. We all stare back, unsure if we should even try to say anything to this clearly angered man.

Finally, he shouts, "Chase has kicked over the TV, the screen has broken!" He points his finger at nobody in particular. "He's being reckless, he needs to be dealt with. This is going to cost you money, you know! You could get charged with property damage!"

Ace stands up and shows his palm to Bill. "Alright, man, alright," he says calmly in an effort to calm Bill down. "We'll talk to him, try again."

"He's pretty pissed, man. I don't think he has the head to talk to us, or anyone, right now." Jace shakes his head.

"Ryder has a sweet spot for Monica," Ace says curiously, looking across Wolf's chest at me from the other side of Wolf. "He can't be nasty to her and if he did, he'd feel pretty bad about it almost immediately."

Everyone's looking at me now with hopeful expressions and wide eyes. Meanwhile - I'm thinking that this may not be a good idea. He got nasty with me before, calling me a bitch, and apologised for it, but I'm not sure he's in the right frame of mind to be talking to anyone. And that's including me. I'm nothing special. I can't solve this situation. I can't make this better. But seeing the hope returning to their faces makes me want to try.

Standing up, I shake my head and sigh. "I'll try, but I can't promise anything."

Turning around, I head towards the door, feeling my heart beat out of my chest. I'm dreading this encounter with Chase so much that I'm actually wishing I'll faint or something right now. I've got such a stomach-turning feeling about this.

The security guy smiles at me, then opens the door for me and stands out the way to let me through. Hesitantly, I step in, closing the door behind me. I instantly see the TV on the floor, a massive crack in the screen, and my heart jumps. Slowly, I venture into the bedroom more and see Chase sitting on the floor. He's got his back against the wall, his knees up, his elbows on his thighs, his head in his hands. He's not looking at me, and that just makes me dread this encounter even more.

"Uh, Chase," I say quietly, my voice shaking. Chase looks up at me, his eyes red and swollen. I smile, despite how much I don't want to looking at a face like that. "Everyone's supporting you, you need help. Your career will go down the drain, you'll die again if you..."

"Shut up."

Huh? Did he just tell me to shut up?

Chase was looking at me with a deathly stare as he said it and I now just want to curl up in the corner.

"Go away," he growls with a frozen, numb expression.

My heart feels cold. I've got goosebumps from the way he's looking at me. I'm numb, frozen by that awful stare and tone of voice.

"Didn't you hear me? I said go away?"

"You don't mean that," I say quietly. "Look, I've just come to say I support you and that..."

"I do," he says without blinking. "And when I say I want you to go away, I mean, go away. Like, never come back. I'm done with you."

He's...done with me?

My jaw tightens at his words. My body suddenly feels heavy, my mind is going to a dark place. I can't believe he just said he's done with me, like I'm sort of object he can discard. Surely, he doesn't mean that, surely. But it's enough to make me want to leave as soon as possible. I don't want to face him anymore if that's how he thinks of me. My stomach turns as the word 'done' is repeated over and over again in my head.

While Chase continues to just stare at me, I back off slowly, staring right back at him, my eyes tearing up, his face becoming blurry through the tears. The tears down my cheeks are the only warm thing I can feel right now. Everything else is just numb. Turning around, I straighten my back to make sure he doesn't realise how upset I actually am, wipe my tears, bite my lip, and leave the room.

As I walk back in the lounge, everyone stares at me. I'm silent as I sit back down next to Wolf, keeping my head down for the whole walk, still biting down on my lip. Glancing up, I shake my head to everyone to let them know it didn't work and then put my head back down. Leaning over to the table, I grab the bottle of rum and down some down. Maybe a bit too much. Wolf is looking at me with wide eyes as I down some rum, obviously concerned by how much I'm consuming in one drink.

While everyone else continues to talk about what steps to take next, I pull my feet up on the sofa, curl up, look the other way, avoiding eye-contact with everyone. I'm so depressed right now, it's ridiculous. This magnificent once in a lifetime experience that had made me so happy and excited has now taken a really dark and demoralizing turn.

Done. Done. Done.

Drink, drink, drink.

That horrible word is just repeating in my head like a broken record and it's horrifying. It's so mortifying to me to have that word used about me, especially by someone I've done nice things with and had sex with. I'm trying to tell myself that Chase didn't mean what he was saying because he's an addict that's being refused drugs and having everyone he cares about telling him to go to rehab. But every time that word is repeated in my head, I'm gulping down some really large amounts of rum. 

What did I think was going to happen? Oh, that's right. I knew of these things with rockstars. I knew what happens or what could happen. I knew that they were doing drugs when I had first met them, but instead of walking away when I should have - I fucking stayed here and even did drugs with them. Now look at what's happening. I should have known better. I did know better. I ignored the better decision and the opportunity to avoid this misery.