The bass of you

Epilogue

A year later, I'm still wearing my bandana. The time I love wearing it the most is when I'm drumming. Something feels right about wearing the bandana while I'm drumming my soul away. Everyone who has seen it thinks it's the coolest bandana they've ever seen and that's because it is. It doesn't get any better than this. Little do they know who really bought it for me and who painted on it. When people ask, I tell them that me and Layla have some friends up in Cardiff who like to paint cool things on accessories.

I had followed Black Dagger's fan page on social media and to my surprise - they followed me back. I even had Bill, Isaac, and every member of Black Dagger then following me on their personal pages too - everyone except for Chase. I'm still not sure whether to feel insulted or not about Chase not following me like the others had done because he's going through a rough patch and has his own life to deal with. On my birthday I had been tagged in birthday posts from members of Black Dagger and I couldn't believe it. Luckily for me, nobody I know suspected I knew them personally when they saw this. Sometimes celebrities wish their fans a happy birthday and I guess that's what everyone thought when it happened to me.

The week after we returned from Cardiff, Layla informed me that it had been on the news that Chase went into rehab, then fled from there. When she told me this, all hope for Chase disappeared. It was obvious he only went into rehab because he was being pressured into it, but then couldn't be away from the drugs any longer and wasn't willing enough to ride it out. I felt pity for Chase to have his privacy invaded like that. He has his addiction problems but that's no excuse for the media to be reporting on him like that - making him sound like an out-of-control junkie to the rest of the world. Okay, yeah, maybe he is an out of control junkie, but that's not the point.

A month after that, it was reported that Chase had gone into rehab and stayed there longer this time. But then couldn't do it anymore and left again. Some two months after that, he tried again. This time he got clean, and he stayed Clean - from what I've heard. I was so happy to hear about this. Layla said that Black Dagger started to work on new songs to make another album as soon as Chase was ready and apparently it's going to be the best album so far.

Oh yeah, Jackson calls Layla sometimes. Not often. Probably about once a month, maybe once every two months. There's no impatience or offence taken though. Jackson is busy, we understand that. But he calls Layla to check how she's doing in short calls because just like us - he's obviously not confident that we'll see one another again. I think it's nice that he keeps in touch, despite the many crowds of different people he's come across and has in his life.

I've been doing the same old : work, pub, drumming, spending time with Layla all the time. Something doesn't feel so normal about my lifestyle anymore. Ever since I hung out with Black Dagger, something with my lifestyle feels off, but I can't quite figure out what it is. Nothing about what I'm doing feels normal. Clearly they had more of an impact on me than I thought. But is it for better or worse? Guess I'll never know.

I guess it's worth mentioning that I had a parcel delivered to my house with my name on it, even though I hadn't ordered anything. My parents and my brother weren't home at the time and it was lucky for me that they weren't. When I had taken the parcel up to my room and opened it, there was a heaviness in my chest. I had been sent a framed photo of Black Dagger at their first gig when they played Broken Cords album, signed by every member in Black Dagger - including Chase. There was a little note in the parcel that fell out as I was pulling the frame out from the box, saying, "I'm so sorry, Monica. I appreciate you saving my life and hate myself for letting you walk away like that. I found your address on a note that was in my pants and have kept it on my bedside table since. I miss your pretty face. This gift ain't enough to make up for how I treated you, but I hope it makes you feel better. All my love - Chase Ryder."