Wreck (Royal Series #4) COMPLETED

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Five

Sean (Part 5 of 5)

Her

I'm hurting her again, am I? The look on her face whenever she is staring so hard at me like she was piercing with her eyes... what is she looking for? Or perhaps, who is she looking for? That she will desperately seek him in me.

I don't feel any gap in my memories, it was intact. But upon mentioning that I have a wife... that I am married... I suddenly felt so lost. They aren't kidding, that's for sure. But then again, why don't I find her in my memory? She's no one to me... but she looks at me like I am her everything.

This is so confusing. No, this is frustrating. I wanted to know her... what we had and what we were before this but I can't make myself ask her about it. Maybe it's her devastated look? I don't want to inflict more pain on her, it's already too much that we are the only person inside the room but we can't even make a proper conversation.

Seeing her face... that hopeful face, it tugs my heart that I have to shatter her hope again and again. I want to stop her from hoping because only then, she won't be in pain. Her expectation won't go high anymore because there's no hope.

"Are you sure about this, Ruzzel?" Mother asked me for the nth time. Tahimik naman akong tumango sa kaniya. I was already reminded of our unfortunate circumstance but I also know there's a way.

Hindi ko lang alam pano ko masasabi iyon kay Blaire. Just thinking about her reaction scares me, not because of fear that she won't agree, rather, it's the fear of seeing her cry. 

"You'll hurt her," Mother said.

Tumingin ako sa kaniya at ngumiti ng malungkot. "Isn't all truths hurt? Why, Mother? If you were in my shoes, would you rather lie and pretend?"

"Ruzzel."

"We are married, Mother. I may be asking for time away to organize my thoughts but it doesn't mean... I'll let her go. This is just a hurdle to our marriage... we just have to get through this and be stronger. We'll be okay, right?"

Mother held my hand and softly caressed my face. "Of course, everything will be okay and will go back to normal."

Matapos non ay dumating na ang taong hinihintay ko. Kuya Vincent was in front of me with his hands placed behind him. He has that serious look on his face but they said he is a warm person, especially to Blaire. Kaya siya ang kinausap ko.

"I still don't have my memories, no, I still can't feel any related emotion to her other than pity. You would hate me for this but as someone who stood beside her all these years, I'm asking for a favor," I said.

"You'll leave her," he said. He wasn't asking, he was concluding. Nang hindi ako makasagot ay tumawa siya. "What kind of stupidity is this? You'll leave her the time she needed you the most. Is this the best solution you could come up with, Sean?"

"It wasn't the best... but it is the right decision to be made. Yes, I am practically doing this for myself, because I wanted to breathe freely without being eaten by guilt by not remembering her."

Hindi siya sumagot at may dumaan na lungkot sa mata niya bago nag-angat ulit ng tingin sa akin. "What do you want me to do?"

Blaire is a very strong person. Meeting her once is already enough for me to conclude that she is that kind of person. But behind every strong presence is a terrified and lonely person. By the time she would give in, she will probably try to look strong in front of me but I know she is hurting inside. And I wanted someone to be there for her, kahit hindi na muna ako. Just someone she could rely on and be vulnerable with. 

"Come back safe," iyon lang ang sinagot niya sa akin matapos kong sabihin ang tungkol sa pabor ko. 

I was threading everything and like what I expected Blaire gave in... and apologized even when it wasn't her fault. Masakit marinig na humihingi siya ng tawad sa isang bagay na wala naman siyang kontrol. And her voice, god her voice, is trembling as she try to contain her emotions. 

But like her, I was also keeping my emotions sealed. I watched her leave my sight and by the time the door closed, I covered my eyes with my arms as I let my tears fall. My chest feels so heavy every time I repeat her words in my head. It was so heartbreaking.

I didn't look back when I left the Palace. This is for the best. I made the right decision. Convincing myself is easy when I'm alone but when I remember Blaire, my decision flatters every time.

The sound of the waves is my companion every night. It was calming and soothing. Isa iyon sa dahilan bakit ko pinili tumira dito. It somehow brings me peace even my mind is in chaos. My memories are slowly coming back but I'm getting impatient with those tiny pieces. I can't even make a connection out of it.

They said walking around could help me regain my memory kaya iyon ang ginagawa ko araw-araw. I travel to nearby provinces just to enjoy different sceneries and surroundings. There are a lot of places to visit outside the walls of the Palace. 

I hope I could bring Blaire here someday, just us, a married couple wandering around the city.

I stopped walking when I saw a familiar face. I am not hallucinating... but I see someone who looks like Blaire. But as she got nearer, I realized that it wasn't. Just same features but not my wife.

I continued walking, passing by the woman when she suddenly grabbed my arms. I defensively took a step back with wide eyes. Does she know me?

"K-Kuya Sean!" Tawag nito sa akin. 

Sean? Oh yeah, I am Sean. Nakakalito naman kasi parang kapatid ko ang tinatawag dahil pare-parehas lang kami ng bigkas ng pangalan. 

"You... you know me? How?" Tanong ko. 

Her eyes widen. "You don't really remember anything? Not even my name? Or my connection with you?"

I slowly shook my head at her and she slowly let go of my arm.  She looked lifeless suddenly kaya kinabahan ako. I've seen this reaction from Blaire and she nearly fainted. I'm just hoping this woman won't because I don't know her.

Then she reached her something behind her neck. Nakita kong unti-unting lumuwag ang suot niyang kwintas bago niya iyon tinanggal sa kaniya. Then she let the pendant fall into her waiting palms.

It was a ring.

She opened her palms, offering me the ring. "The hospital where we were admitted gave me this because I was the one with you in the accident. I just kept it with me as a reminder of my sin and now that I found you, I just thought maybe it's time to return it to the rightful owner."

When I didn't retrieve the ring from her hand, she took the initiative to take my hand and pass it to me. "You don't have to thank me, you should actually be mad at me. And I know you are confused right now but you will soon understand what I'm saying when you remember what happened that day."

"And when that day comes, I hope you will find it in you to forgive me," she said and proceeded to walk away. Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko at nakatitig lang sa singsing na nasa kamay ko. And when I tried to wear it, it fits.

It was that night when I found myself staring at the sea. I was fumbling with the ring as I listen to the waves. And little did I know, it was that night when I finally found the pieces together.

"I'm back."

Her tears started to fall as she ran towards me and enveloped me in her arms. She was crying silently but I felt her hug tighten. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong yumuko para halikan ang buhok niya. 

Her presence is my solace. Her warmth is my home. Her love for me is my lifeline. We may have stumbled multiple times, faced different hurdles, and encountered a lot of challenges but I know I would still come back to where everything started - her.

She said I helped her put the wrecked pieces of her together but what she didn't know is that she did it herself. My very courageous wife. I don't think I could ever get tired of saying how proud I am of her. 

I really love this woman - the Queen of the West and the mother of my children.

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Epilogue next :))