Wreck (Royal Series #4) COMPLETED

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

Suffocate and Freedom

"No!" I responded. "Why are you asking me that question, Sean? I mean - what kind of question is that? Of course, I can't! You are my husband, Sean!" 

I find his question ridiculous kahit na alam ko naman na hindi magsasalita si Sean ng ganon kung wala siyang susunod na sasabihin. But I still want to point out na hindi ko kaya ang sinasabi niya. For goodness' sake, he is my husband.

Unti-unti siyang tumango sa akin. "Right... husband." I could hear his distaste upon saying the word husband. Pagak siyang tumawa sa harapan ko. He sounded so tired.

"I actually consulted my parents before talking to you, Blaire."

My brows furrowed. "For what?"

"Regarding my decision to put an end to our marriage."

Nanlaki ang mata ko sinabi niya. He... considered ending our marriage? How... ganon ba niya talaga ako gusto mawala sa buhay niya? Ni hindi man lang niya tinanong kung gusto ko din ba... Is he really that desperate to get rid of me? That he cannot stand that fact that he is married to me?  

That hurts. To be directly rejected by someone. I never thought he would reach this point wherein he wanted to end our connection. The connection that I was holding onto so tight... bumitaw na pala siya. Ako na lang pala ang naka-kapit sa ranging pinanghahawakan ko sa kaniya.

Looking back, he was always the one holding that connection. Siya palagi. He doesn't mind if he always makes the first move and always carries the burden for both of us. He was just there, silently waiting for me... and at the end of the day, he will always be there to soften my boundaries and envelope me with his warmth.

I noticed all of that... but I was too scared to face it and hold the connection that he was offering me since day one.

"Blaire," he called me again when I took a step back from where I was standing. "Do you really want to stay in a loveless marriage?"

Tears formed in my eyes. Nanikip na din ang dibdib ko sa narinig mula sa kaniya. I suddenly felt numb to everything that was happening around me. Ang tanging nararamdaman ko lang ay ang sakit sa puso ko.

Love...less.

He didn't love me at all. Ang sabi nila kahit makalimot ang utak, ang puso hindi. They were wrong and I blame myself for believing those people. But maybe they were right, after all. Paano nga ba maalala ng puso kung hindi naman niya talaga ako minahal? 

But I... I fell for him. His presence, his words, his warmth, his kindness, and his care towards me. Those little things brought so much joy to my heart. Who would have thought that I would finally have the courage to admit it to myself... just before everything will end?

"Is it... really loveless, Sean?"

He looked at me with nothing but pain in his eyes. Hindi ko alam para saan iyon pero kita sa mga mata niya ang lungkot at sakit. 

"It's been weeks yet I can't remember a thing about you, Blaire. They were telling me things about you... how we met and how we were together. They said we were happy. But right now, I don't feel anything for you aside from the suffocating emotion whenever you are around."

He said it. The words that made my tears fall and made my heart break into pieces. 

I am suffocating him. I tried so hard to make him feel comfortable by distancing myself. I tried so hard to understand him despite my own suffering. I tried so hard to be strong for him. I tried... but I failed miserably. 

Should I still hold onto him kahit na alam kong ganito ang nararamdaman niya para sa akin? It's like I will be receiving only the residue of his love... the pity to stay with me. 

"What... do you want me to say?" Nanghihinang tanong ko habang nakapikit dahil pakiramdam ko wala na akong lakas para hawakan pa siya. He broke me... for good.

He sighed. "They told me, I cannot end this marriage," he said kaya napabukas ang mata ko. "Because you are a Royalty... and a Queen. Hindi basta-basta ang gusto kong mangyari. That would cause chaos not only to your clan but to whole Royalties."

Actually, he is right. Unlike the tie between the first princess and a King, our tie is unbreakable. Wala pa akong kilala na mga pinuno ang naghiwalay. The reason for their end was death... or dethronement of either of them. Iyon lang. 

In our case, gusto niyang kumawala pero walang sapat na rason para sa isang Hari para umalis sa pwesto hangga't walang magmamana non. He could dethrone me as the Queen and appoint another but he also can't do that because I am purely from the West Clan. 

It's checkmate for him. Wala siyang magagawa kaya tanggap ko na kung bakit may halong sakit sa mata niya kanina. He badly wanted to go out and stay away from me but he was all tied up. 

I pity him... hindi niya naman talaga dapat nararanasan ito eh. He should be free from any burden that doesn't concern him. And I wanted to give it to him kahit na alam ko sa huli ay ikapapahamak ko iyon. 

I just can't let him be suffocated.

I slowly walked towards him and he was remained staring at me. Halatang nagtataka sa ikinikilos ko pero hindi nagsasalita. 

Inangat ko ang kamay ko at hinawakan ang mukha niya. His warmth feels so comfortable. It's addicting. Yung tipong, ayaw mo na mahiwalay sa kaniya dahil sa init na pinaparamdam niya sayo. Because everything around felt like ice... cold and terrifying. 

I smiled at him with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry if I am suffocating you, Sean. I thought that the space I gave you for weeks is enough for you to remember me, I guess I was wrong."

"Blaire," magsasalita sana siya pero umiling ako bago pa niyo iyon matuloy.

"You can leave the palace and be free from any pain that I have inflicted on you. Don't worry about me and just be... free again."

Tinanggal ko ang kamay ko sa mukha niya at umayos ng tayo. He looked at me with confusion. Kaya nagpatuloy ako sa pagsasalita kahit na nakaramdam ako ng pananakit sa tiyan. "I'm just really sorry for trapping you into this marriage, Sean."

Mas lalong sumakit ang tiyan ko kaya napapikit ako saglit. I felt like I am being ripped apart. Dahil parin ba ito sa stress? Nang medyo nawala ang sakit ay dumilat na ako at ngumiti sa kaniya nang pilit. 

"You can always come back home to me even if it takes time, I don't mind. It's also okay... if you don't, as long as you are free from my suffocation."

While he was gaping at me, I took that chance to lean in and place my lips on him. He tastes like Sean kaya napangiti ako habang hinahalikan siya. I was about to end it when he gripped on my waist and pushed me towards him kaya napadiin ang halik ko sa kaniya.

He probed me to open my mouth and invaded it, hinayaan ko lang siya. I seriously don't mind because I am his wife... and I love him.

Nang maghiwalay ang labi namin at umayos ako nang tayo ay doon ko napagtanto na huli na pala iyon. Wala akong ideya kung kailan o saan siya pupunta pero mahalaga sa akin ay malaya na siya. Hindi ko man magawa ang gusto niyang pakikipaghiwalay, at least, I was able to free him in my own way.

"Goodbye, Sean Ruzzel," I said and turned my back on him. Huminga ako nang malalim at tiniis ang sarili na huwag na siyang tignan pa ulit bago lumabas ng kwarto niya.

Kuya Vince was waiting for me again. He has the hopeful eyes pero umiling na lang ako sa kaniya. My lips quivered and my tears fell again. Hindi ko napigilan ang hikbi ko nang yumakap sa akin si Kuya Vince at tinapik ang likod ko.

But I immediately stopped crying when I felt the pain again. This time, I didn't cry for Sean, rather, for the pain in my stomach. I grunted and gripped Kuya Vince's shoulder. Nilayo niya ako at tinignan ang lagay ko.

"What's wrong? Bakit ka namumutla? May masakit ba sayo?" Naguguluhan na tanong niya.

I nodded. "My stomach, Kuya..."

And I just felt weak to the point my consciousness gave up on me.

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