Blinded part 1

Unbecoming

Hi everyone just so you know this chapter is going to be a bit of a long haul, but I will say that a question most people have been asking me and my fanfiction is about to be answered I hope you enjoy and just a quick heads up this chapter does contain a little bit of mental illness and use of medicine I hope you enjoy

Jim point of view

I wake up after  another nightmare of the voices, God I wish I could stop it's been like this ever since that day. when I saw that old man die even though my mother turned me away from the site instantly I've got an eyeful of it. Ever since then I've been hearing voices and since I was six years old God I wish I could stop the voices I don't even recognise and they make no sense One of them calling me "master Jim" another one sounds like Toby and tells me I'm a superhero

Yeah right I'm emotional wreck Who could I possibly save my life I can barely save myself from insanity. I go down the stairs and I'm sleeping on the couch again with the newspaper on her hand she's lost a job again. Mum was serious about quitting her job if you see another person die ever since then she's been having odd jobs for the past 10 years none of them really last I think my mum is having as much trouble as I am when it comes to trying to figure out life

I pick her up and take her up to her bedroom and lay her down letting her rest, it's mostly my fault she has to work all the time just buy my medication that I have to take to stop the voices

whatever time to get ready for hel-I mean school

I get my bag ready and I'll walk out the door I'm getting ready with my bike and Toby my best friend still waiting for me and for me to give him his lunch

Toby sounding cheerful like always: hey dude are you ready for another day at school

I tried to sound enthusiastic: yeah sure let's go around the long way though the later we get there the happier I'm gonna be

We begin to ride our bikes and Toby asks: I never understand why you don't like going to school I mean yes it's not every teenagers dream to go but seriously if you had it your way you wouldn't attend at all

I remind Toby of how horrible it is for me at school: let's see we have a bully who likes to beat the hell out of me every day because I was born and everyone else in the school thinks I'm a freak does that sum up why I don't like to go to school

Toby: nobody thinks you're a freak you just need some help sometimes and it's completely understandable with what you went through

I am yeah but it still doesn't stop people from thinking it and saying it behind my back when they think I can't hear them: toby look at when you hear voices in your head that don't make any sense to you and you feel like you're losing your grip on reality then you can tell me that I'm not a freak

Toby trying to change the subject: Whatever dude, anyway do you have your first appointment for your new therapist

Oh right another therapist another way to waste mums money, this will be the fifth one I've seen none of them have actually done anything to help me get over the voices or to help me understand why I hear them to begin with it is put me on more medication and my mum giving into peer pressure goes along with it

I tell toby the truth: yeah I don't think I'm going I don't want to be transcribed for another set of medication

We're arriving at the school and Toby tries to give me an emotional speech: Come on dude don't say that you know maybe this therapist actually knows what they're doing in the end couldn't hurt to try you said yourself you wanna get rid of these voices as much as anyone but you need to get proper help for that so who knows maybe this time will be different