Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Twenty One

*Buzz Buzz*

   "Hey it's me", I say into the intercom.

I've well and truely lost my good mood. Hopefully Carter can distract me and help turn off the noise in my head.

"Hey. Come on up", I hear Carter's voice say through the box and then the door unlocks.

The elevator ride is dull. I'm stuck in my head. Why'd my father have to text me now? He'll forever be a reminder that everything is temporary, everyone leaves me because something better comes along. Fucking asshole.

  The elevator doors open and Carter is stood waiting for me. Dark blue denim shorts and tight white t-shirt with 'NEW YORK' across the chest. I step out and he hugs me.

"Hey you", he says before kissing me.

"Hey", I reply blankly.

We walk toward his apartment with his arm draped over my shoulder. His clothes are such a contrast against my dark outfit but I guess he is a complete contrast against who I am as a person as-well.

"You okay?", he asks as we approach the front door.

I'm caught up in my thoughts and didn't hear him.

"Amelia?"

"Hmm?", I reply shaking the darkness to one side in my head.

"You okay?", he asks.

"Yeah I'm fine", I respond trying my best poker face and smiling widely, clearly fake.

  Once inside his apartment I take a seat at the breakfast bar.

"Where'd you want to go to lunch babe?", Carter asks me, yet again breaking me from being consumed by my mind.

Pet names are something that would usually irritate me, but even in my foul mood, being called babe by Carter doesn't seem to bother me.

"Uhh wherever, you pick", my tone is flat, probably as flat as my face looks.

"Amelia? What's wrong?", Carter asks sounding genuinely concerned.

"Nothing really, just pick whatever for lunch", it comes out in an almost snap and I didn't mean for it to but fuck Bradley my 'Dad' thinks he can just come into my life whenever he fucking likes!? No!

  Irritation is scratching at the surface. I fucking hate him. I don't want him in my life and he constantly comes turns up when I'm doing well.

"Amelia, if somethings happened, or you're not feeling okay, please talk to me...", I look up at Carter and his face is pulled with worry.

"My father texted me just before I got here. He wants to meet up. Wants to bring my half brother Damon to meet me. It's just kinda caught me off guard", I reply, FAR to honestly.

"I didn't know you had a half brother...".

"Yeah... I only found out about him a few months ago", I say shrugging. "My so called father, thought it was a fantastic idea to try and get back in contact with me after twenty odd years last year, just before Christmas. I agreed to meet with him... It was horribly awkward. But he practically has a new life now. He told me I have a half brother, Damon, he's fifteen apparently... And Bradley... oh he is just the most amazing father to Damon, they're soooo close. It fucking shattered me. The first time I reconnect with the father that left me as a child with no explanation and he's gone and reinvented himself with his new family...".

Fuck that was a lot more than I was intending to share. I curse myself internally.

"Maybe you can use this as a chance to get to know your brother?", Carter replies to my absolute word vomit.

"I don't want to know him", I spit, "They have their own life so they should just go and live it without interfering with mine", I reply snapping.

"Amelia, it might"...

I get up from the breakfast bar and pretty much throw myself at Carter, cutting his sentence off and kissing him hard, desperate.

"Please can we not talk about it. I just need you", I pull at Carter's t-shirt, bringing him closer to me, I need him to fuck me, help me forget reality for five minutes, forget that text, forget my fucked up thoughts.

  "Amelia...", he pulls away slightly, I'm biting his neck and trying to undo his shorts.

"Amelia, please just talk to me.", he grabs my wrists gently, stopping me from doing what I'm doing.

  "Don't use sex to ignore what's happening and what you're feeling, just talk to me. Getting it out might make you feel better", he says.

I stop what I'm doing, drop my hands by my side. I take a step back, yanking my wrists from his grip. Embarrassment creeps up my neck, I feel like the biggest fucking idiot.

  I finally gain enough confidence to look back up at him. His stupid bright blue eyes are filled with sadness... Sadness for me and my troubled little head and heart... And they're staring straight through me....

Oh wait maybe that's not sadness. Maybe that's pity...

No it's definitely pity.

  Fuck.

I can feel anger bubbling inside me, no one really gives a fuck about me, so why would Carter? I can tell he just pity's me. The poor emo girl that uses sex as a way to turn off everything she's feeling. The royally fucked up girl who is so far detached from people, especially men because she's been hurt one to many times. With it all starting with her father leaving her as a child. Now I have gone and embarrassed myself by throwing myself at him.

  Fuckkkkkk.

"You know what Carter, you can get fucked", I scream.

"What!?", he raises his voice slightly in return.

"You heard me. Go fuck yourself. I don't want to talk about it and you're pushing me too! You know it's hard for me to talk about shit and I've already gone and told you fat more than I wanted to!!", I yell back.

Fuck you Carter Schmidt.

He takes a step toward me and tries to grasp my hand in his but I pull away as if his skin is fire on mine.

"Babe, just let me in please, let me help you process all of this", his tone is gentle and soft now but all I can see is red.

"I don't need your fucking sympathy Carter". I step away from him to try and gather my thoughts holding my head in my hands.

I huff out a breathe that feels like I've been holding in. I weave around the counter and bundle my phone and wallet in my hands so I can leave.

"Where are you going?", he asks, his voice still soft and filled with concern.

  "Somewhere far away from you and your pity and your stupid fucking questions!", I'm yelling even though Carter is so calm with me.

I make my way to the door and grasp the handle.

"Amelia please don't go", he begs, "I just think if you talk about it, it'll help... I'll be able help, please", he pleads with me.

  "I don't need your fucking help, I don't need anyone's help!", I scream back as I open the door and make my way into the corridor.

  I reach the elevator and I look over my shoulder to see Carter hasn't followed me. Part of me is relived... The other part of me is hurt. I knew he never gave a fuck, he's such a fucking liar.

Suddenly the sadness and the thoughts of always being abandoned, especially when I'm falling apart begins to consume me and the tears come. Falling down my face and blurring my vision. Burning my cheeks as they begin to flow. I just want the silence.