Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Forty Five

I'm confused, what is he doing here?

"Was it worth it?", he yells as he stomps toward his car which is parked right outside my house.

"What are talking about? And what are you doing here!?", I ask ignoring his questions.

"It doesn't fucking matter now does it!?", he yells over his shoulder, anger clear in his voice.

  "Carter!", I call for him. "Babe stop!?".

I walk towards the car, trying to stop him from getting in and to my surprise it works.

He freezes holding his car door open.

"Why are you here? I was just about to call you. I need to speak to you... I guess I can do it in person now", I say allowing a little bit of happiness to escape me along with a small smile that creeps on to my lips.

I'm so glad he's here and even though I'm nervous as fuck, him being here right now is perfect.

Well, it will be when he calms down at least...

"Why do you care?", he spits back, his tone is harsh and hitting me like bullets.

"What? Carter? What's going on? Why are you here?", I ask.

"Why did you want to call me Amelia? Was it because Matt's not a very good lay!?", he yells back.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?

  His words cut into me and I feel like I was just stabbed in the stomach.

The excitement I felt moments ago, to finally open my heart to him disappears into nothing. Anger appears in its wake.

The walls that he worked so hard to get down begin to crawl back up around me in a literal blink of an eye.

Hatred and hurt scratches at my throat.

"What the actual fuck Carter!?", I scream, "How fucking dare you!?".

"Well what I am I meant to think?", Carter yells back at me, slamming his car door.

"I come to your house, to beg you to give US a fucking chance and you're climbing out of his fucking car!".

Carter walks around the bonnet of his to stand in front of me.

  "Nah fuck you Carter! If that's all you fucking think of me! Like I'm some slut who would climb under another guy just to get over you!?", the reality of my actions tumbles from my lips as if I'm trying to convince myself that I didn't do just that.

But the guilt stings me as I say it.

  "And you're trying to tell me that you weren't?", his words, laced with venom hit me with another blow to the chest. This time it takes all the air in my lungs with it, winding me.

"Well... well... I... Um... That's not the fucking point Carter! The point is I didn't fucking go through with it okay! I couldn't!", I stammer out.

"See!", he yells.

Carter's assumption of my intentions with Matt is correct but that doesn't stop it from hurting. He thinks so little of me.

I knew I was never good enough for him.

"I fucking knew it! I knew the first thing you'd do is go find some other guy to fuck!".

Oh fuck this...

  And fuck him!

"You know what!? Fuck you Carter!", I scream, turning the embarrassment and shame of being called out, into a rage.

"I was going to call you to tell you that I fucking love you!", I confess, tears beginning to prick my eyes.

"You what!?", he asks his voice cracking as he seemingly begins to run out of steam.

"It took me to try get with Matt to realise that I fucking love you! And you know what!? I couldn't go through with it with him because I FUCKING LOVE YOU!", my tears dry in an instant as the anger sets in, "But you can go fuck yourself if that is all you think of me! You'll never think any different!! And you know what!? I was the fucking stupid one for falling for you! But honestly YOU'RE NO DIFFERENT TO ANY OTHER PIECE OF SHIT MALE I'VE LET IN MY BED!", I scream.

Emotions flood over me and I turn around and head to unlock my front door.

  I need to get inside and as far away from Carter as I can.

  "Well I wasn't wrong was I!?", Carter screams back completely disregarding the fact that I just told him I fucking love him.

What a fucking cunt.

  I step over the threshold into the safety of my home and slam the front door before beating my fist hard against it.

I'm no longer sure if it's Carter I'm solely pissed off at or if it's myself.

I knew inviting Matt here was a bad fucking idea but I did it any way. And now I have to pay for my decisions, I understand that.

Carter has every right to assume the worst of me... After all he isn't wrong... But I didn't go through with it with Matt and I told him that... And that I loved him and he's still hates me.

Fuck.