Life & Love of the Tormented

Chapter Forty Six

  I want to party and get fucked up but Taya is working and busy with her mystery guy after work, Colton is in Cairns working and I can't even think about calling Ben because he's Carter's brother.

For fuck sake.

My life is an actual mess.

I could call Matt but that would make things worse I think...

I guess alcohol shall be my only friend tonight.

I make my way into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of Jack Daniels on ice. I avoid adding cola or any other kind of mixer. My aim is to get drunk as soon as possible so I don't need it being diluted right now.

  I spend the rest of the afternoon drinking and going round in circles in my own head.

The alcohol seems to fuel the thought process.

I cry, then get angry and then cry again. I've broken several things against my bedroom wall since I got home and I know I'm going to regret it all later but right now it feels good to destroy something.

  I'm not even sure how I got to this point but I'm still arguing with myself in my bedroom.

I fucking hate Carter. Maybe I never actually loved him? Maybe my brain was wishful thinking for that happy ending I so desperately crave? For something I know I'd never have. That some nice guy could actually love the hot mess that I am?

Eh, who am I kidding... I do love him... Regardless of how he feels or what he thinks about me... I could never fucking hate him...

Fuck...

That makes me want to hate him even more...

Eh, you know what!?

I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SUCH A ROYAL FUCK UP!

  Before I can stop myself the glass I've been drinking from is flying through the air. I watch as it collides with the wall. The auburn coloured liquor that was still in the bottom begins to run down the wall and the shards of sharp glass fall to the carpet in a perfect scatter of glitter.

The chaotic mess that represents my life gives me an odd sense of satisfaction. I'm not even going to bother cleaning it up.

I like it.

It's evidence of the pain that comes with me loving someone and it's decorating my floor in a dangerous mess.

For now it stays.

But knowing my luck I'll step on some later and it'll fucking hurt. But again I'm spiralling and can't seem to get a handle on a single thought, so the shattered glass remains on the carpet of my bedroom floor.

By around 8pm the bottle of bourbon I'd made friends with is now gone. I've just finished smoking the joint I found on my dresser that Matt must have left by mistake. I'm so drunk and high that I can't even walk in a straight line but my skin is numb and humming deliciously so it's not all bad.

I'm relishing in the feeling of nothingness this mixture of alcohol and weed is bringing me.

  I try make my way to the kitchen. I need another drink but I trip a little and land onto my knees, hitting the tiles in a hard thump. I don't really feel anything due to my intoxication so I break into hysterical laughter. In reality I know my knees are going to be badly bruised and hurt like hell come morning though. But that's tomorrow Amelia's problem.

  Once I'm vertical again I make my way to the liquor cabinet and grab the only unopened bottle I can find. It's vodka, which I fucking hate but it'll do for now.

  The initial burn that comes with that first sip, directly from the bottle, feels pretty fucking good on my throat. Its probably the only thing I can feel right now so I enjoy the burn.

My music is blaring, Memphis May Fire has joined the party and for a second I'm blissful. I have completely forgotten everything that has occurred in the last week and a half and am just living in the moment.

  I'm singing along to the song 'Bleed me Dry' and I'm jumping around, pretending to mosh on my bed. The vodka bottle in hand is being used as a microphone in between sips and I feel good for a minute.

Suddenly I land awkwardly on my bed. I seem to catch my foot in the bed covers. It twists around my ankle slightly and the fabric tugs at the skin of my calf, causing my body to be thrown sideways and I go flying off my bed.

  In some final destination turn of events my head hits my dresser as I come down and I instantly lose consciousness.

My lifeless body falls hard, landing on the shattered glass that riddles my bedroom floor. The now smashed vodka bottle adds to the pile of sharp glitter and it pierces into the skin of the arm that was holding it not even moments ago.

Fuck...

———

  "Amelia! WAKE UP! Amelia please! Oh my fucking god!".

I can hear Taya screaming at me and I have no idea why. I try to open my eyes but my face is wet and whatever it is has flooded my left eye and it's blurring my vision.

I can feel her hands on my back.

"Taya?", I ask. My voice is strained and for some reason it hurts to try and speak.

What the fuck happened?

  "Oh my fucking god Amelia!", Tayas voice is high pitched but laced with relief when she realises I'm awake. I'm so confused as to why she's screaming..

I try to move the front of my body up off the floor but I can't seem to manage that either, my body is on fire.

"BEN! She's waking up!", Taya calls out.

Ben?

What the fuck?

Why is he here?

  I can hear someone's shoes hitting the tiled hallway in a run, heading toward my room.

"Amelia! Fuck! Are you okay!? How'd this happen!?".

Is that Ben?

I force my heavy aching body to roll over and sit up. I groan out in pain as I rest some of my weight on one of my arms.

Tiny cuts cover my chest, arms and shoulders. Whatever is in my eye is making it burn and when I look down at my injuries I can barely see.

I reach a hand up in the intention to rub my face.

"No! Fuck Amelia! You're covered in glass! Don't touch your face!", Ben says grasping my hand gently.

"Ben?", I ask.

"Yeah it's me!", he says kneeling down further next to me. "Don't touch your face okay? You've got glass everywhere".

  "Glass? What happened?", I ask in a raspy voice that even I barely recognise as my own.

I'm so confused.

"I got home about fifteen minutes ago and found you like this", Taya says as Ben gets up and leaves the room.

"I can't see... Can you help me wipe my eyes please?", I ask her feeling out of breathe from forcing myself to sit up.

I hadn't noticed but Taya was holding a towel against my forehead. She moves it down to wipe my eyes.

As my vision begins to clear and I see the severity of my injuries come into view as well as the blood that has soaked the towel.

Holy fuck.

"Here, drink some water", Ben says when he arrives back and kneels down next to me again.

I take a huge gulp from the glass. I didn't realise how thirsty I actually was.

"We need to get you to the hospital. Do you remember anything?", Taya asks me.

"Umm... well.. not really...?".